Are you talking to me?
January 30, 2009
Each of us has unique talents and gifts that we can share with the world. One gift that is found in all of us, however, is intuition.
Intuition is defined as the “instinctive and unconscious knowing without deduction or reasoning.” Simply put, it is when you get a gut feeling about something without knowing why or without any evidence to back it up.
Some of us have a very keen intuition—we feel it and we follow it often, because we’ve learned to listen to it and trust it. Others of us can’t really pin-point when we are getting an intuitive “vibe” or explain what we feel. Truth be told…it just takes a lot of practice to identify it and learn how to use it to your benefit in daily life.
One of the strongest intuitive feelings I have ever experienced happened in middle school. My sister and I would usually hang around after school for a while with other friends until our mother was able to pick us up. This one afternoon, however, the older sister of one of my friends came by and asked us if she could take us to get ice cream. Pretty harmless, right? My mother would not be coming for a while, so why not go? Well, almost the minute I got into the car I got a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, I almost felt numb, and the thought that came to my mind was—“Don’t go…something bad is going to happen.”
Well, needless to say, I did not listen. And, if you would have snapped a photo of me in that car, you would have seen a young girl with a frightened look on her face, crouched down into the seat as low as she could go. It was a rainy day and the roads were wet, and within 10 minutes of leaving school “it” happened. Yes, we were in a car accident with a very large truck that sent the car into a spin on the wet road. We survived with only some sprains, scratches and bruises, and even managed to get back to school in a taxi cab before my mom showed up.
I was grateful, of course, for not having been seriously injured, but I was even more grateful for experiencing that very deep knowing—or intuition—that whenever I feel it again I know better to listen.
Another intuition I feel very frequently is related to my children and their health. I am sure most mothers can attest to the same types of feelings!! I don’t take my children to the doctor or hospital frequently, but sometimes, you just know that something is up. It’s not just a cold or a tummy ache, but it’s more. When I was a new mother I did not trust my intuition much and took my son to the doctor a bit too frequently. But within a few months of getting the hang of the “mother thing”, I did begin to trust my intuition. And, I must admit that about 98% of the time that my gut tells me something is wrong, I am right. I don’t even think twice any more…it’s off to the doctor or hospital I go!
Now, it is very possible that your intuition can be stronger in certain circumstances, especially when related to someone you love, like your spouse or children. I know this is very true for me. We can take those strong instances, though, and remember the feeling, because that same feeling, although not as strong in other situations, can still be detected and applied. It means being very aware.
This past week I was coaching a client around an issue; a decision she could not make. When I asked her to tell me how she would feel if she made one decision versus another her reaction was incredible. It was not her verbal reaction, but the physical reaction that she explained to me. In her words… “OMG…this feeling is very familiar. When I see myself doing this it is like I am making the same mistake I did years ago.” Her intuition was clearly letting her know that this was not the way to go. If she hadn’t taken the time to imagine how she would feel about making the decision, she might have taken the path she was used to that would have caused her more pain down the road.
Intuition is something that can grow stronger in us as we learn how to identify it. It is also a skill that we can use daily to help us make decisions—from simple ones to complex ones. You can check in with your intuition when hiring some one, when making an important purchase (like a car), when deciding with whom to spend your time, with investing your money, when deciding how to change your career, etc. No one knows what is best for you than you do! Practice listening to and feeling what your body is trying to tell you. You may be pleasantly surprised and truly enjoy the benefits.
Here are some simple steps to developing your intuition:
*Take a few minutes before any decision to think about your options and see what feelings arise. Are the feelings dark or light? Energizing or debilitating? What feels better? What feels right?
*Take a risk and don’t reason! The minute you bring reason into the picture you’ll talk yourself out of your core feeling or thought. Jump right into action and evaluate the results later. Was the risk worth it? Were you right on?
*If you get a gut feeling or thought when speaking with someone, share it with them to see if you are correct. You may have saved them time, money or energy!
*Keep an Intuition Journal and keep track of what you feel, hear, smell, taste, etc. You will learn quickly how your body communicates with you.
I’d love for you to share any intuitions that you have had that have either worked out or not. How did you learn from the experience?
Here are a couple of great quotes I found about intuition, both serious and humorous:
“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself!”
-Actor Alan Alda
“I feel there are two people inside of me—me and my intuition. If I go against her, she’ll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.”
-Actress Kim Basinger
Go within and find your intuition…embrace her/him…enjoy the results!
Monique
What’s Burning You?
January 19, 2009
My husband recently bought an outdoor fire pit for our son’s backyard camping party. Last night, I was enjoying the crisp, cool evening by the fire and was mesmerized by the stunning flames. Within in a minute or so this question came to me—“What’s burning you?” So, I decided to ponder upon the question for a while.
There are two ways to look at this question—both very useful. The first way provides us with a mechanism to dig down deep inside and discover (or rediscover) what positively ignites us—“lights us up.” A great way to do this is to think back to your childhood (8 yrs old or younger) and try to remember what you absolutely loved doing. What were you doing? Who else was with you? Can you remember your feelings? Why did you enjoy doing this activity so much? How was it meaningful for you?
Don’t you remember the feeling of being a child…carefree with not much to worry about or fear over? These feelings tend to get tucked away as we grow older and the expectations of others and the world weighs heavily upon us. But, if we can just tap into that fire again (our true colors) and learn to incorporate some of these childhood passions into our lives, perhaps we would feel more fulfilled.
Here’s an example…I recently heard a woman describe that as a child she absolutely loved to dance. Now that she can look back at that experience, she realized that it wasn’t the dancing itself (because she commented that she wasn’t a good dancer), but how she felt when she was in front of an audience, and her interaction with them. So, today, she taps into that passion by making sure that she often has the opportunity to “perform” in front of others in her career, whether it be during a staff meeting, presentation, event, or otherwise. These activities conjure up in her the same emotions she felt as a child dancing. What has resulted for her is that she now feels happier at work. Neat realization, huh?
A second way that we can look at this question is to uncover what negatively burns us inside. You know that feeling when someone embarrasses you in public or doesn’t include you in an activity or gives you criticism you can’t handle? Whatever the “thing” or “things” are that burn us up inside truly provide us with some insights that, if uncovered, can help create new opportunities in our lives that we, ourselves, are blocking.
Let’s take the example of not being included in an activity. I know someone who would “burn up” every time his peers would go out for lunch and not invite him. It would infuriate him, especially because he felt he had a great relationship with all of them. He never spoke to anyone about it though so as not to be seen as a pushover. However, after digging a bit, he realized that perhaps the reason he had not been invited was due to his office door being closed around lunch, which may have given others the impression that he was not interested in socializing or joining them.
So what changed? You got it…he opened his door and the invites poured in! It is amazing how our beliefs and self-doubts can limit us and make us angry in the meantime. And what does anger do? It can affect our stress levels, which can in turn affect our health, sleep habits, etc. Let’s leave this for another blog!!
So, what fires within yourself can you IGNITE or PUT OUT? Sometimes, simple internal shifts can make such a difference in how we feel and how we show up in our lives each day.
This week, I encourage you to light your fire within. As singer and songwriter Jerry Garcia expressed in one of his beautiful ballads, “Inspiration moves me brightly”, may you be inspired and moved this week and brightly shine your light!
Monique
The Anatomy of a "Freak-Out"
January 8, 2009
What exactly is a “freak-out”?
Why do we have them?
How can you benefit from one?
The first week back at work provided me with an opportunity to really give some thought to the above questions. Considering that we are all being affected by the recession and learning that more bad news may be on the way (at least in Fla.), it’s not too hard these days to personally experience a “freak-out” or help another person through one.
Beginning a “new year” brings with it many emotions. Getting back to work I observed some individuals ready to spring into new opportunities, others a bit tentative about what to do and where to start, and then a select few in “freak out” mode.
In this case, my definition of “freak out” is not only imagining the worst case scenario, but feeling it deeply and letting those emotions affect your day, your week, your month, and your future. Many times, it also can dramatically change the energy of those on your team, putting them in reactive mode instead of proactive mode.
So I gave some thought to what brings about this kind of reaction in people, one that can take someone off track and lose momentum. One reason is very obvious–FEAR. Fear of failure and fear of the unknown. The second reason that rings true for me is JUDGEMENT. Judging anything as good or bad automatically reduces the important activity of reasoning. The minute we judge something one way or another we leave no room for arguments otherwise; we have created a paradigm. In many cases we also make quick decisions which can be detrimental later. Worst for me, though, is not allowing for the opportunity of success. Success does not come overnight, it comes from sustained, thoughtful and energetic work.
Preventing one may not be as hard as it seems. The first step I’d like to propose to you is to learn how not to judge. This is hard at first, but it gets easier with practice. You can say to yourself, “This outcome is not good or bad, it just is.” Then, take the time to evaluate what opportunity you can take from this outcome. There is always an opportunity! I bet if you took the time to evaluate a past “freak-out” you would probably tell me what the opportunity was or could have been (if you allowed it).
The second step I’d like for you to consider is to be in the moment with the situation and with your emotions. Acknowledge them, name them, and talk to them (you may want to close your office door!). You can tell them to take a deep breath and calm down. You can then tell them to find the silver lining.
Finally, you can evaluate past situations that turned out just the way you wanted them to, identify the reasons why they were successful in your eyes, then take those same tactics and apply them to the current situation.
In following these three simple steps you will attack the onset of the “freak-out” and you will be in a proactive state of mind. Others can only benefit from your “state” and join you for the joy ride.
So, what if you are not able to avoid a “freak-out”? Pat yourself on the back for being human. We all have them. Again, if I follow my own advice, I will forgive myself for reacting this way, and I will use it as an opportunity to battle my fear head on and strengthen my intent for positive, proactive action. Some times we have to fall to stand up taller. 🙂
Remember, the New Year has barely fallen upon us. Have your “freak-out”, learn from it, get over it, and move forward with vigor and a deep intention to enjoy each day to the fullest.
Monique
Set an Intention for the New Year
December 31, 2008
Appropriately enough, up until this point we’ve discussed ways to find balance in our lives and give ourselves the space we need to renew our energy. Now, a handful of hours away from a brand new year, our imaginations take over and help us envision a new day and a new world for us. Or, perhaps we are deciding to focus on the goals we didn’t accomplish and would like to attempt to achieve this time. : I want to lose weight because all of my friends are looking really great right now. They have found a diet that helps them lose weight quick. And, as a result, they are getting more attention and they seem happier. I would love to get some more attention at work and at home, and I’d love to feel happier. : I want to lose weight because I have been battling with my weight for years. I finally realized how I use food as a way to avoid uncomfortable feelings and situations. I want to finally take responsibility for my life! Also, because of my reckless eating habits, my health is beginning to suffer. I want to be healthy for myself and to ensure that I live a long life to enjoy with those I love. intention to achieve a goal. The difference between a resolution and intention is subtle, but there is a definite difference. An intention comes from a more gentle place—a place that stems from vision.
We call these key goals “resolutions” to signify our resolve to get them done. And while it is wonderful to be resolute in achieving our goals, perhaps we should step back for a while to ponder upon where, internally, the desire to achieve these specific key goals comes from.
Here’s an example…many individuals, including myself, choose the new year as the starting point to lose a certain amount of weight, or select healthier food options. Sound familiar? While there is nothing wrong with using the energy of the new year to spring us into health and wellness, let’s examine which of these reasons may be grounded in a more purposeful foundation.
Reason #1
Reason #2
Which reason do you feel will provide this person with more core energy to achieve his/her New Year’s “Resolution”? Can you see and feel the difference? Can you imagine what power you would have if your resolution came from an authentic place? And, if you were armed with tools to help you reach your goal, would that give you more of a reason to push forward?
Let me clarify that having a resolution to lose weight (doesn’t matter how much) is not a bad thing, but if we utilize the New Year each year to try to lose weight without making sure that our resolution is grounded, then we may once again fail. Failure, no matter how it’s dressed up, has a way of bringing down our self-esteem. Why not set yourself up for success and spike your self-esteem?
One way to do this—pretty simply—is to not be so resolute in setting and accomplishing this goal (sounds like forcing yourself to achieve and setting up yourself for failure), but, instead, setting an
So, let’s start with your vision for 2009. What is your vision for your new year? What is one thing that you would really enjoy accomplishing? Why would you enjoy it? Where does that desire come from? Does is come from a place of authenticity or does it come from ego (like Reason #1 above)? Would accomplishing this goal align with your personal values? Are these types of questions helping you define a purposeful intention for your new year? Breaking the Rules, discusses the concept of being committed, and with that commitment, being “on a roll”, therefore accomplishing what we intend to achieve. He tells us that there can be no true commitment unless we are aligned with our purpose. Sometimes, too, when we are not acting from a purposeful place we tend to be in the “What’s Wrong” mode (judgmental) instead of the “What’s Right” mode. Kurt elaborates… “Judging is the act which separates us from the universal source of creative energy. Whenever we presume to judge anything to be good or bad (including ourselves!), right or wrong, we at that precise moment begin to create an illusion of being separate from Source. This can only lead to a feeling of depletion and limitation. In response, we create the concepts of fear, ego, anger, etc.”
Kurt Wright, in
Finally, consider what tools you may want to put in place to help you move forward successfully with your intention. Not all tools work for all individuals, you also may want to take some time to think about how you want to measure your success. Here are some ideas that work for others:
- Break up your intention into smaller chunks–Where would you like to be in three, six, and nine months?
- Create a weekly schedule to keep you on track
- Journal daily or weekly about your successes and what you are doing right. What needs to be evaluated? Does the intention need to shift a bit to be more realistic and attainable?
- Blog about it!
- Work with a partner to help keep each other accountable
Again, make sure your tools work for you. My intention for each of you is that you have an amazing and fulfilling year, and that you get on a roll to creating your best year yet. I’d love for you to share your intentions with me and others following my blog. If you have any ideas on how to track your success or other tools you use to accomplish your goals, we’d love to hear them!
Monique
Honoring your values through rituals
December 23, 2008
As we’ve discussed in my previous blogs, November and December provide us with perfect opportunities to think about how we can center ourselves through mindful meditation, with music, or by just being. But during these joyful, yet hectic months, I find that it is always a great time to think about what we value most and to create ways to honor those values we hold dear. Why? The holidays themselves are a ritual, so why not evaluate how to strengthen this ritual as well?
Just recently, my husband and I had a conversation surrounding our family values. And we both agreed that this was one area of our life that we needed to pay more attention to. We decided that we wanted to introduce a few rituals into our week that would help us feel more united, provide our children with a deeper spiritual foundation, and mostly, to just enjoy each other’s company and be present, in the moment, with one another.
So, with only so many hours in a day, and the many stressors we deal with daily— like our busy careers, exercise, dinner, homework, etc., how do you introduce meaningful rituals into your routine? In my opinion, you do it slowly! Try one thing at a time, giving yourself time to evaluate if the new ritual is accomplishing the goal you had set out for it to achieve.
In our case, we decided to start by creating our Friday Night Family Night three times per month. Because we hardly ever eat dinner as a family, the one very important criteria of our Family Night is that we eat dinner together. The second and third criteria is that we have fun and laugh a lot, and that it is just the four of us. The kids are quite excited about it too, because each week one of them will choose what our activity will be, whether it’s the movies, the park, playing a game…and dinner of course! Maybe we’ll make home-made pizza, or bake cookies. The options are endless, and we love the spontaneity of it.
The second activity we plan to implement soon (again, the key is to introduce them slowly so as not to overwhelm yourselves!) is to set aside 30 minutes to read a short story (spiritually or values-based) with our children and to discuss its lesson. When do we do this proactively? Usually, we are teaching our children right from wrong after they have committed an action we don’t approve of. Or, we hope that by osmosis they will obtain this data during Sunday service. I really like the idea of having a short conversation with them, allowing them the opportunity to imagine what kinds of decisions they could make if they were involved in certain, perhaps tense or uncomfortable situations. Think of the power in that.
So, during this holiday season, which will seem to fly by, maybe you can take a moment to think of a value that is important to you, but is not necessarily reflected in your current activities. Would you like for that value to be more present in your life? How would your life be different if it were? How much time would it take to make that happen? Could 10 to 30 minutes make the difference? You don’t have to have children in order to live a more values-driven life. I would dare to say your life would be a bit more on purpose if you did.
And with purpose on my mind, I now wish each of you a purposeful and prosperous holiday season, filled with memorable rituals! May love and joy surround you and those you love during these special days and continue on in the New Year!
Monique
Just BE!
December 16, 2008
It’s the final countdown to the holidays. It’s a time to be joyful, grateful, spend quality time with your relatives, and JUST BE.
Just BE??? Huh?? That sounds out of place, doesn’t it? I bet for a moment, some of you read “just be” and sighed because it felt so nice to imagine JUST BEING! Regardless of how special and beautiful of a time the holidays are, most people are a little stressed during these times. In fact, some just feed off of that stress, or compete with others to see who is the most stressed. Silly, isn’t it?
I have to admit that I still have not bought presents for the kids’ teachers, taken a family photo, and purchased holiday cards (they are coming, I promise!!). And, to make matters worst, I’m already thinking of ways to avoid certain conversations during our family get togethers or solve those family crisis’ that may come about. Sound familiar? My heart is racing right now as I type this. Yes, both my Superwoman and conflict avoider gremlins are beginning to show.
What is preventing you from JUST BEING this holiday season? The tight economy may offer many of us a valid excuse to cut back a bit, but do we really need any excuses? Sometimes we feel like we need permission to not be so perfect and to not fulfill our own and everyone else’s expectations of us. Sometimes our ego (the part of us that needs to be this or that, or must do this or that) requires permission to relax, not get everything done, and JUST BE.
This past week I gave one my clients permission to do just this…BE. I was sensing she really needed for someone to give her that permission and help her imagine what it would feel like to let it all go and take care of herself. The amount of time you need is up to you. So, if you happen to be in this predicament, let me help you as well. I give you permission to JUST BE!!! Take as much time as you need to get back to a place where you are truly ready to shift into high gear again. It is a place where we have no “needs”, “shoulds”, or “musts”, but “WANTS.” Remember, it’s not the speed by which we arrive that’s valuable, but the quality and source of the effort.
So, during the next few weeks I hope you will give some thought to things that can wait a day or two—or an hour or two—to get done so that you’re putting your heart and soul into these important activities that bring joy to so many in your life and to you!
To my friends and relatives who may be reading this…you will most likely get your “Happy New Year” cards after January 1st, but I promise they will contain all of my love and enthusiasm. “-)
Here’s wishing you all the space to JUST BE! Enjoy.
Monique
You need music to dance!
December 8, 2008
Today, while listening to one of my new favorite songs, I actually tuned in carefully to the words instead of just performing my usual karaoke. I noticed how some of its lyrics moved me deeply and got me to feel certain things that during my normal daily tasks would not have “come up.” Can you believe that in a matter of minutes, just by focusing on what I was listening to, I actually made a shift—a common coaching term for coming to a realization, or having an “aha” moment? What a beautiful thing! I was so excited.
I then thought about what a wonderful tool music is for so many reasons. For me, music keeps me dancing. A friend once asked me, “Do you miss dancing? Do you think of it often?” And, my immediate response was “It never leaves me!” In fact, every time a song comes on—it doesn’t matter what kind of music it is—I see myself dancing in my head. And my soul feels it and benefits from it. So, music helps connect me to my life-long passion.
Another thing music does for me is to make certain tasks less painful. How many of you dislike doing dishes? Well, I loathe doing dishes!! And, since this is one of the only things my husband will not do (he’s amazing…he does so much!), I really needed to find a solution to begin enjoying dish washing. Now, when my husband sees me plugging in my iPod speakers in the kitchen he knows that I am doing my dish-washing dance! Yes, I blast loud, fun, dance music, and before we all know it, the dishes are done and my mood is high and positive! The kids get a kick out of it, too!
Yet another way that I’ve always used music is to help center me. There are so many ways we can meditate, but for some people, like me, finding the time is difficult. Some experts say that all you need is a few deep breaths, or 5 to 10 minutes of sitting quietly to get the benefits of meditation. When I combine these simple steps—a few deep breaths and 5 to 10 minutes of stillness—with music—that always seems to help quiet my mind, relax my muscles, and put a gentle smile on my face. I’m ready to conquer the world again!! For me, that singer is Josh Groban. Or, if I need to jump start my enthusiasm and love of self, then I listen to “Just Fine” by Mary J. Blige. What music does this for you? How can music help you shift?
So, you probably want to know what my new favorite song is, and how the lyrics positively affected me, right? I would be curious too! The song is “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz. Living in the “now” (through love and without fear) is something that I have been practicing intently. So, when I listened deeply to these words, the reason to live in the “now” was so much more meaningful to me. Perhaps you’ll see it too. Here are some of the words from “I’m Yours”:
Open up your mind and see like me,
look into your heart and you’ll find love.
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing,
we’re just one big family, and it’s our God forsaken right to be loved.Monique
There’s no need to complicate, ’cause our time is short.
There ain’t no better reason to rid yourself of vanities
and just go with the season,
it’s what we aim to do, our name is our virtue.
Have a music-filled week!
A New Dance
November 19, 2008
Welcome to my blog…Being En Pointe!
This is a “new dance” for me, and quite an exciting one. It’s exciting because when you take the time to understand who you are at your core and live the life you’ve been dreaming of, it’s quite exhilarating!
So, let me explain this a bit more. Over the last six months or so, I have taken the time to go “within” and examine my life and my “who”…those things about me that are inherent and that truly define my “I AM.” I believe that life calls for this type of examination during certain times in our lives. Although I feel we should always be in a state of curiosity about what we think and do, and why we think and do these things, CHANGE–in any form–will almost push you to do this important work.
My CHANGE was really an inner calling to find more purpose in my life—to begin doing more things that are meaningful to me and keep me engaged and happy. In doing the work it became very clear to me that creating deep relationships with people, learning more about their “I AM”, and helping them create more passion and success in their lives is something that I thrive for. These are things that I do for fun in my daily life, sprinkling in a few minutes here and there. So, I asked myself—“Why not do it more often and more consciously?”
What I know for sure, as Oprah loves to answer for herself each month, is that if you don’t jump when you are most fearful, then the change you desire will never come. So, I have leapt! In fact, I have begun a new dance…one that will keep me “En Pointe” as my days in dancing did, and one that will help me keep others “En Pointe” in their lives.
I hope you will join me weekly as I share my insights on the journey of self discovery and living a more purposeful life.
Let’s Dance!
Monique
Illumined Life Leadership 