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Beginning to Heal

December 20, 2012

Just like most of you who are parents, I can’t help but to sit through the latest horrific tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, and wonder, “How do parents begin to heal?”

I’m not sharing my thoughts on this so that you believe in what I believe, as I truly respect the individual beliefs of all people. But, I wanted to share my perspective in the chance that it may provide an iota of peace for some in this storm of sadness.

Since I was a young adolescent I questioned so many of the beliefs I was taught. So much didn’t make sense, including serious life challenges like violence, illness and death. Through my own search, a lot of reading and allowing myself to be open, I have come to find some comfort in the following:

  • We each have a purpose for coming to this earth as humans, to live the human experience of right and wrong; good and bad.
  • We come to an “agreement” or contract with our God that details what situations (accidents, illnesses, issues, death, betrayal, etc.) will occur during our lifetime that will serve as a lesson either for ourselves, others, or both.
  • Individuals in our lives, whether we know them well or not, agree in advance to play a part in our “agreement” to help these lessons play out.
  • Some contracts will involve MANY (yes, even children) who decide, together, as beautiful souls, to create a TRANSFORMATIONAL lesson for many.

So, keeping this in mind, I can find an iota of peace believing that these 26 amazing angels came to our earth, during our lifetime, to GET OUR ATTENTION…to tell us loudly and painfully that our work is not even close to being done. We must pay attention and take action.

What have we not yet learned? What must we all do, together, as a united community?

Clearly some major red flags are gun control and mental health reform.

In my opinion…

Did the shooter need help? YES

Did his mother NEED the weapons? NO

Did his parents truly understand the gravity of his mental illness? PROBABLY NOT.

I know that there are still so many things we don’t know and understand about why this tragedy happened. I know that the parents, relatives, and friends of those innocent souls who died may never entirely heal. Afterall, we are human. But, can we begin to heal if spiritually we can believe there is a reason why their lives ended so early? Yes, I do believe this is possible.

To all of those who directly suffered from this unthinkable crime, I send you overwhelming love and light and pray that the beautiful souls of your loved ones are rejoicing in Heaven, comforting one another as brothers and sisters, knowing that their earthly purpose has been achieved. Now WE MUST NOT ignore their sacrifice and we must work hard to make those necessary transformational changes that are needed as a human society.

Sweet Angels, you have gotten my attention.

Here is a list of books that have helped me along my journey, related to what I’ve written above, which you may be interested in reading:

Sacred Contracts, by Caroline Myss

Growing Up In Heaven: The Eternal Connection Between Parent and Child, by James Van Praagh

The Golden Motorcycle Gang, by Jack Canfield

Namaste,

Monique

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Nahant Simplified

Nahant Simplified

It’s always fun to spend time in the Boston, MA area, where my husband grew up. More specifically, he was raised in Malden, where his parents still reside. Even though Boston is not my home, it “feels like home” if you know what I mean. In fact, when I travelled there with my husband (my boyfriend at the time) for the first time in 1994 it was meeting his parents and extended family that sealed the deal for me. Family was everything for them. We still joke that one of the similarities between our families (mine: Cuban; his: Irish/Italian) is that we all are so family oriented (and love to dance!). We both love spending time with our family members.

It wasn’t until our trip this June 2009 that I really got to thinking how going home was a way of “plugging in” for my husband—recharging his battery, especially since we don’t visit as often as we used to. The things we do when we are in Boston are things that for him are essential to charging his spiritual energy. It goes something like this…

  1. Arrive at Logan and be greeted by Mom and Dad.
  2. Tune into the local stations for “the best music ever”.
  3. Come home to homemade chicken wings, meatballs and sausage in “gravy”, and homemade pizza (among many other delicious goodies).
  4. Sit out on the deck with the lighted palm tree decoration and drink a few cold ones (usually Sam Adams) and talk about “the days” while taking in the cool air.
  5. NEXT DAY…the itch begins…we must go to Nahant (40 Steps) to see, hear and touch the ocean. This is the place where my husband’s dreams were born—his love for the ocean, what’s underneath the ocean, and scuba diving.
  6. Having a Maine lobster or “lobsta” roll.

You get the idea. The list continues for us…a check-off of sorts of things to do (whale watching, seeing old friends, a Sox or Pats game, etc.) before we head back home. This time, however, I noticed how truly important these activities are to my husband, as small as they may seem.  It’s almost like he’s on a mission—quiet, yet excited; eager, yet meditative, until he’s filled his cup. These are things “of the soul” that keep him charged so he can go back to his “adult life home” in Miami and get back to living. During our trips, I know not to say “no” or ask “why”—it’s clear that it is something he truly needs, an hourglass that continually empties and needs to be filled again.

And isn’t it the same for us all? I compared my husband’s experience to my own and I do believe that there are times in our lives that we all must reconnect and fill our souls so that we can continue on our journeys. For me, since I live in my home town, it’s more about connecting with those things about my life’s experiences that were meaningful to me and helped to make me who I am today, like spending quality time at least once a year with my middle school girlfriends, eating my favorite childhood meal or dessert  when I feel I need “soul food” (arroz con pollo and arroz con leche—yum!), listening to music that reminds me of the “old times” especially the music my mom played, driving through my grandparent’s old neighborhood (Little Havana), etc.

So why not plug in when we need it? We all need to recharge at different times, perhaps when we are feeling a bit disconnected, unfulfilled, or when things just seem a bit mundane. What is it about these experiences that recharge us? It seems to me that the feelings we are trying to reconnect with are those of love, belonging, familiarity, comfort and excitement. So when you need a dose of these feelings, here are at least 10 ways you can recharge your soul:

  1.  Take a trip! If it’s been a while since you’ve visited your home town, why not take a few days and make that trip. Or, if taking a trip is not a possibility, how about picking up the phone and having a nice conversation with a loved one? If you live in your home town, why don’t you take the time to visit with a relative you hardly ever speak with or see? Web cams provide another great way to connect with those you love and/or miss.
  2. Girls/Boys Night Out! Same concept here, but with your childhood or close friends. Even if it’s for a few hours, schedule a dinner or cocktail with one or more of your close friends you don’t get to see too often. Reminisce and catch up. Have a few laughs!
  3. Have some soul food! Gosh… there is nothing like some good soul food! If you can’t actually make it out to that favorite restaurant or to your mom’s house where she can whip up your favorite dish, how about making it yourself or ordering out? It’s the feeling of eating the special dish that you’re after, so eat up and leave the guilt at the door.
  4. Visit that favorite place. For my husband that place was Nahant. What is it for you? Can’t visit? How about find a photo, frame it and hang it up in your home or office?
  5. Rent a movie. We all have that favorite flick that get’s us going. For me, it’s either Grease or Footloose. I have very distinct memories of reenacting these movies in front of my living room wall-to-floor mirror! What movie makes your energy soar?
  6. Turn up the dial! Does music lift your spirits like it does for me? What songs from your childhood/youth do the same for you? Find them and play them.
  7. Scrap. Photos have a way of instantly creating that connection once again. If you’re anything like me, you probably have many boxes stored and filled with photos from childhood and up. Why not sort through them, pick a few favorites that recreate those feelings you crave and create a scrap book? It also feels good to create photo albums or scrap books for others.
  8. Blog. There’s no better way to reconnect these days than through the internet. If you have not yet connected with those dear friends or relatives on Facebook, you can always use a blogging tool, like Blogger or WordPress to create a personal blog to keep you connected with your family and friends. You can share photos and keep everyone up-to-date on your life’s happenings.
  9. Take up a hobby. This doesn’t have to be too time consuming; a simple game can do the trick. What board game did you play with your relatives or friends that made you smile? How long has it been since you played it? Dust it off and get going. Or, was there something you truly enjoyed doing that you wouldn’t mind doing again, like playing an instrument, or taking a dance class. I’m all for finding some time to do those activities that create excitement and purpose for me. What are they for you?
  10. Journal or write a letter. Writing can be a soothing and healing process for many. When our lives are too hectic and we long to create or connect with something more meaningful, jotting down our thoughts, remembering experiences that put smiles on our faces, listing those things we are grateful for today, or writing a letter to someone who we miss dearly or appreciate can send our energy right back up again. Purchase a simple, beautiful journal—one that calls out to you—and give it a try.

Remembering the past doesn’t always mean living in it. It’s important to make that distinction as I’m a believer in living in the moment. This brings to mind Daughtry’s song “Home” where he says… “I’m going home, to a place where I belong, where your love has always been enough for me.” Going home means different things to different people. For some it is literal and for others, a cup of coffee, a song, or a conversation can create that feeling that will put us back in balance and provide us with some needed energy to keep moving forward in our lives with a sense of meaning and with a smile on our faces.

What creates that feeling of home for you? Add to my list! I’d love to hear your thoughts.

All my love to our family and friends in Boston who always make us feel at home!

With gratitude,

Monique