Live the Life You’ve Dreamed Of
October 1, 2015
Earlier this month we discussed Self-Mastery and how by resonating at a high frequency of energy (more on that coming soon!), we attract what we want into our lives with little or no effort.
What holds us back from living the lives we desire?
Some people attribute the lack of having what they want to fate – that their lives are somehow “meant to be” the way they are. Many people don’t like the concept of fate, however, because it negates free will. But what if neither the traditional concept of fate, nor free will, really existed for most people? I’ve been curious about these things all my life, and when I learned about Energy Leadership by Bruce Schneider, I realized that an unusual concept called self-fate helps explain why so many of us don’t have what we really want.
Self-fate is the idea that because our past is dominating our thought processes, and because most people are not consciously living in the moment, our past actually creates our future. Because we are making choices based on our past experiences, we cannot change our future unless the control of the past is removed, and we choose to live in the now. If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that living mindfully is one of actions I take regularly to help me stay out of the past and focus on making THIS MOMENT the most powerful and energetic it can be. You can find some of my mindfulness blogs here.
So self-fate really means that for most of us, it is us who create our fate because we are imprisoned by the past. We have pre-determined choices that we are programmed to make, and our past does the programming for us. Yikes! Living in the moment…living consciously is the first step to correcting this. In fact, in this powerful moment, you can consciously decide to direct your fate NOT by the past, but by your conscious choices (yes, as opposed to subconscious choices!).
Many of us know this woman, and some of may have been this woman (or man)…
Think about a woman who is unhappy with her relationships and says that she seems to meet the same kind of men over and over again. She complains that men are all the same, looking for the same thing. She believes that she’s never going to find a relationship that is mutually respectful and serving, as opposed to the relationships she’s had, where she’s been emotionally abused. It’s no wonder she feels this way, as she’s had many experiences that have created those beliefs. In fact, it’s quite normal that she believes what she does, which poses a real challenge – since she sees men as disrespectful, abusive and manipulating, she is putting out “victim” energy. She is being a victim to the beliefs she has. And what is the result of that? The vibration she emits is picked up by those whose energy matches those beliefs: men who take advantage of her. To them, she’s an easy target. And so, she actually creates her future relationships, and will continue to do so unless she changes her sense of self, or, who she is BEING, in relationships.
So while aspects of our lives may very well be pre-determined, let’s recognize that there are many things in our lives that we can control, and one of those is how aware we are of what from our past we are allowing to re-create itself in our present. Have you caught yourself saying, “Well, of course that’s going to happen!” Guess what? You just confirmed that it will continue to happen! Make sense?
Be mindful. Listen to what your thinking and saying for clues. Your fate is very well in your hands. How will you guide it?
In October, we’ll dive more into our energy, what that really means, and how it is one of the most powerful tools at our disposal to direct our self-fate, and our self-mastery.
It’s your life, lead it well.
Namaste,
Monique Reneé Catoggio
I Thought He Was Crazy
August 4, 2015
My mom’s former neighbor had a strange habit. When we observed him we really thought he was crazy. He would sit for what seemed like hours on his front lawn picking his grass. He would never look up at passing traffic, just picked away, like a monkey picking bugs off his companion’s fur. What was he doing? Was he crazy? He must be, or so I thought, until I took to the green! Maybe there was something to this picking at grass after all?
It was one of those moments when relativity strikes you harder than usual, when your range of emotions is as wild as a roller coaster…it climbs, then drops, then quiets, and the cycle begins again. My soul was tired in that moment. I looked outside to the bright beautiful day and the grass called me. All I could think about was taking my shoes off, stepping on the thick warmness and spilling my soul out onto the green grass. All of a sudden I became that crazy neighbor, picking and picking the diverse grass, pulling it apart, and noticing the deep life contained within it. This big jungle under our feet is just as intricate as our lives, I thought, yet more simple.
My next thought was, “Wow! What an amazing activity of mindfulness this is!” This neighbor was onto something! It’s not like my empty feeling subsided, but all of a sudden I was observing my emptiness and it was ok. I was ok. I didn’t need to be anyone or anywhere in that moment, but deep in the grass that was much larger than anything I was dealing with in the moment.
For me, now, Green Peace has a new meaning. And that crazy man, well, he doesn’t seem so crazy to me anymore, simply a bit wiser.
May you find your own moments of wise craziness and peace within the green.
Namaste,
Monique
How to Lead a WONDERfull Life!
July 22, 2015
“…We have an infinite number of moments between now and the time we are going to die. That is a lot of time for living. So there is no hurry!” —John Kabat-Zinn
If you’ve been following my recent blogs, and/or you subscribed to our Summer of Wellbeing, you know I’ve been blogging about John Kabat-Zinn’s book, Mindfulness for Beginners. Let’s keep it going for a bit longer.
Although I’ve already discussed a few of these in my previous posts, let’s re-cap what Kabat-Zinn tells us are the 7 Attitudes that are foundational to a mindfulness practice. He describes them as:
- Non-Judging – Lead with your heart, here, not your mind. There’s nothing to do or be, just sit in awareness and understand what’s happening.
- Patience – Lack of patience prevents us from being where we are already, the whole point of mindfulness.
- Beginner’s Mind – Even Monks and Lamas with decades of experience may say, “I don’t really know anything,” and they mean it! One Zen Master is famous for having described his forty years of teaching as “selling water by the river.”
- Trust – Trust in the nothingness. Trust in what you discover (or you don’t!). Trust in your senses. Trust your feelings.
- Non-Striving – Set aside “human doing.” Boredom can be unbelievably interesting. As you watch it, you might find that it dissolves into something much more interesting, another mind-state.
- Acceptance – Has nothing to do with passive resignation – far from it. Ultimately, it means realizing how things are and finding ways to be in wise relationship with them. And then to act, as appropriate, out of that clarity of vision.
- Letting go – It means letting be. It doesn’t mean pushing things away or forcing ourselves to release what we are clinging to, what we are most strongly attached to. It is non-attachment to outcome. We can let go of both our cravings and our fears, we can let things be as they are.
I don’t know about you, but when blogging about mindfulness and reading/writing about these 7 attitudes, I catch myself breathing deeply, smiling, and ultimately “being”. I feel that non-judgment, trust and acceptance within me, and it truly does become easier to let go. And then it makes me ponder, these attitudes are not just about being mindful, they are truly about LIVING. How we choose to go through all of our moments. Pondering further, I can’t help but to get excited about contemplating our Beginner’s Mind in particular. In the book, Kabat-Zinn compares beginner’s mind to the beauty and joyfulness of young children, and the WONDER they see and feel in all of their doings and beings.
This idea took me right back to my childhood and the freedom and freshness I experienced. In fact, while walking our dog this week, my husband led me down his normal walking path. Under a bridge that leads to the other side of the street. In that second I went back in time to my life as an 8 year old. This exact spot (under the bridge) was what I called “Paradise”. It was my paradise, because I would ride my bike there and climb under the bridge to think and dream by myself! Now, I had a huge laugh, because under the bridge was a lot of trash, not-to-enticing smells, and I’m sure some gators lurking under the water. Yet, as a child I didn’t judge the bridge or anything around it. I didn’t see all those “bad” things, because I chose to see a “paradise.” I craved WONDER and created it for myself.
Why does the WONDER need to stop when we “grow up”? Why does the judgement get stronger, the trust lessen, the lack of patience increase, and our fears falsely lead us to believe that we have to DO to BE?
NOPE. I won’t buy into it any longer. Are you with me? How did you WONDER as a child. Were you full of WONDER?
My request for you this week is to step back into the past briefly to remind yourself of that WONDER and give yourself permission to bring that energy into your life today. Then, thank your past and LET IT GO and come into the NOW, where you can create a life full of WONDER through this magnificent practice of mindfulness.
“Challenge for us as adults is to see whether we can meet each moment an recognize it as fresh and therefore interesting – after all, we’ve never seen this one (moment) before.
“If you take a ‘you’ve seen one moment, you’ve seen them all’ attitude, you’re going to get very bored cultivating mindfulness.” — John Kabat-Zinn
It’s your life, lead it well!
Namaste,
Monique
The Unexpected Dividends of Curiosity
May 5, 2015
“Curious is a good thing to be, it seems to pay some unexpected dividends.”
The Pilgrimage to being SUPER moment-to-moment
April 27, 2015
- S – Sacrifice. We won’t make it very far without sacrificing (time, money, hard work, etc.). He shared how he was accepted into one of the finest schools in NYC because he was Hispanic, but his father didn’t allow him to accept the scholarship, or “free ride”. Instead, he worked to pay for half of his tuition, and his father paid for the balance.
- U – Urgency. You have to move fast and want it. Once you know that you want it badly and believe in it, don’t let it go. Fight every day for it.
- P – Passion. Life is too short to invest your time and energy into something that doesn’t fulfill you or help you to learn and grow. Look for the passion!
- E – Execute. Ideas are only ideas until you bring them to life.
- R – Results. Bottom line…you need a bottom-line! How will your success be defined? What results are you seeking?
Looking Back to Move Forward
April 6, 2015
“Time waits for no one and things can end tomorrow.” – Stevie Nicks
One of the additional ways I seek wisdom is by “pulling” a card for myself each week. I have various card decks that I use for weekly inspiration and perspective. Last week, I pulled this specific card after watching another favorite show, Who Do You Think You Are, which features actors who are given the chance to dig deep into their family genealogy and learn more about “who they are.” There’s no way you can watch this show without craving to know more about your ancestors! So, I pulled a card call “The Bard.” Among other things, the card’s message was:
Walks, Windows & Water!
March 25, 2015
What inspires you, and how do you best tap into your inspiration?
One of the great things I’ve learned about honoring who we are as individuals is understanding that we are uniquely different in many ways, including how we each access our “inner genius”. What’s our Inner Genius? Well, I define it as that bank of ideas and knowledge that we’ve deposited coins into all of our lives. Everything we see, touch, smell, hear, feel, and learned ends up in this “bank”. Over time, all of that information mixed together with INSPIRATION— that which does not come from us, but from a universal source — creates our Inner Genius. Accessing our Inner Genius doesn’t always come easy. Let’s face it, folks, we aren’t always listening!!! In fact, we’ve got so much inner dialogue happening constantly, that sometimes it’s hard to quiet the chatter so we can tap that inner knowing and also be open to outside inspiration. Yes, one of the very best ways for all us to open those channels more widely is via meditation or mindfulness. We can access some really juicy stuff that way! But, I bet you have ways that are unique to you. Do you know what they are? And, if you knew, could you tap your Inner Genius more often? I really enjoyed this past weekend. It was an active one— some fun family and friend time, cultural activities, and some quiet time around my home and neighborhood. It was through some of those activities (the more simple ones), that I realized what those inspiration HOT buttons are for me, and they include WALKS, WINDOWS, and WATER! Walks do it every time! I don’t know what it is about taking a walk, but the inspiration is quite spectacular! Perhaps it is being out in nature and just taking it all in. I get some of my best ideas on walks. Windows do the same! I did a bit of work over the weekend, and I have a lovely desk that sits by one of my large windows facing my Oak Trees and butterfly plants. At any given moment starring out the window I can see Blue Jays or Cardinals (my favorite!), wild parrots, or lots of butterflies! Just sitting quietly and watching, can spur on some great ideas! Finally, being in water is a sure-fire way to get me going! Whether it’s a nice long shower or tub, the inspiration literally flows! I love being aware of my Inner Genius triggers, because when I have those moments of frustration or stagnation, all I have to do is take a walk, look out a window, or get in some water, and voila!!! How do you tap your Inner Genius? What gets those ideas flowing for you? It’s your life. Lead it well!Monique
Are you looking to awaken your Inner Genius?
Then our new Life Well LED creative course is perfect for you!
What’s Burning You?
February 26, 2015
I’m leading a stimulating week of trainings and haven’t had the moment to blog this week, so I thought I’d share one of my early blog posts from 2009. It offers a few ideas on how to both resurrect an early passion of yours, as well as identify a thought or feeling that may be holding you back in some way. It’s a blast from the past, this week at Life Well Led. I hope you enjoy it!
My husband recently bought an outdoor fire pit for our son’s backyard camping party. Last night, I was enjoying the crisp, cool evening by
the fire and was mesmerized by the stunning flames. Within in a minute or so this question came to me—“What’s burning you?” So, I decided to ponder upon the question for a while.
There are two ways to look at this question—both very useful. The first way provides us with a mechanism to dig down deep inside and discover (or rediscover) what positively ignites us—“lights us up.” A great way to do this is to think back to your childhood (8 yrs old or younger) and try to remember what you absolutely loved doing. What were you doing? Who else was with you? Can you remember your feelings? Why did you enjoy doing this activity so much? How was it meaningful for you?
Don’t you remember the feeling of being a child…carefree with
not much to worry about or fear over? These feelings tend to get tucked away as we grow older and the expectations of others and the world weighs heavily upon us. But, if we can just tap into that fire again (our true colors) and learn to incorporate some of these childhood passions into our lives, perhaps we would feel more fulfilled.
Here’s an example…I recently heard a woman describe that as a child she absolutely loved to dance. Now that she can look back at that experience, she realized that it wasn’t the dancing itself (because she commented that she wasn’t a good dancer), but how she felt when she was in front of an audience, and her interaction with them. So, today, she taps into that passion by making sure that she often has the opportunity to “perform” in front of others in her career, whether it be during a staff meeting, presentation, event, or otherwise. These activities conjure up in her the same emotions she felt as a child dancing. What has resulted for her is that she now feels happier at work. Neat realization, huh?
A second way that we can look at this question is to uncover what negatively burns us inside. You know that feeling when someone embarrasses you in public or doesn’t include you in an activity or gives you criticism you can’t handle? Whatever the “thing” or “things” are that burn us up inside truly provide us with some insights that, if uncovered, can help create new opportunities in our lives that we, ourselves, are blocking.
Let’s take the example of not being included in an activity. I know someone who would “burn up” every time his peers would go out for lunch and not invite him. It would infuriate him, especially because he felt he had a great relationship with all of them. He never spoke to anyone about it though so as not to be seen as a pushover. However, after digging a bit, he realized that perhaps the reason he had not been invited was due to his office door being closed around lunch, which may have given others the impression that he was not interested in socializing or joining them.
So what changed? You got it…he opened his door and the invites poured in! It is amazing how our beliefs and self-doubts can limit us and make us angry in the meantime. And what does anger do? It can affect our stress levels, which can in turn affect our health, sleep habits, etc. Let’s leave this for another blog!!
So, what fires within yourself can you IGNITE or PUT OUT? Sometimes, simple internal shifts can make such a difference in how we feel and how we show up in our lives each day.
This week, I encourage you to light your fire within. As singer and songwriter Jerry Garcia expressed in one of his beautiful ballads,“Inspiration moves me brightly”, may you be inspired and moved this week and brightly shine your light!
Monique
Love What You’re Doing Right Now.
February 18, 2015
“The flow experience is good in that it has the potential to make life more rich, intense, and meaningful. It’s good because it increases the strength and complexity of the self.” — Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
I’ve been blogging a lot recently about goals, probably because I, too, have been trying to find the right mix between “being” and “doing“. Perhaps you’ve thought about this as well. In fact, in addition to a few very focused whole-life goals that I set for myself this year, I also created one over-arching theme for my year, which describes how I want to feel. It goes like this:
FLOW IN ALL THINGS
(You dig it, don’t you?!!) I have to say that because I’m focused on being whatever I need to be in each moment, I’m definitely feeling the flow, while accomplishing a lot more! It’s an interesting phenomena, and quite the opposite of what many of us are used to, which is DO, DO, DO and keep going!
So how does this work? Well, for me, it can go something like this…
1. Look at my to-do list once at work and begin to plow away.
2. Today I am not feeling so well, and I realize that I may not be able to accomplish some things on that list.
3. PAUSE. Become fully aware of how I feel and what I need in this very moment (more self-compassion; less action). P.S. – This is hard for Type A’s!!
4. ACCEPT how I feel and decide what the best use of my time is in this moment. What can I focus on and move forward with the energy I have available to me right now?
5. I choose to BE in that feeling of “not-so-good”, honor it, and identify what I can do in this moment that affirms how I feel and also allows me to act. In this real example, I made the decision to push-off some tasks to later in the day, or worst case, the next day. I decided that I would respond to some communication that I felt well enough to tackle.
6. By consciously choosing this action (and not feeling badly about it!) I was able to focus on just that, let the rest go, and flow– BE and ACT at the same time.
In the book FLOW by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, this is referred to as The Merging of Action and Awareness.
Now, we can take my reason in #2 above and replace it with any other reason that could have interrupted my plans for the day. Many of us lead hectic careers, where emergencies pop up all the time. I used to work in a hospital, and that feeling of being on your toes all the time was ever-present. You were always looking over your shoulder waiting for that “thing” to happen. Sometimes we can’t change the nature of work environments like this (some people are hard-wired to thrive in these environments!), but we can learn to flow with them and find enjoyment in them. This is the ultimate benefit of flowing, and it can be one of the best ways to be engaged in your life and in your work.
Awareness and choice are really KEY in helping to make this happen. As stated in FLOW, “(It is) An individual’s ability to restructure consciousness so as to make flow happen.” You have to choose it, folks!
Although I know that we can and do achieve flow most often by simply leveraging our strengths, which can create optimal and enjoyable states, we also can consciously create the conditions of flow. Some of these conditions are:
- Concentrating on the task at hand
- Having a sense of exercising control
- Doing something that is not done with the expectation of some future benefit (not of the self!)
So when that “thing” happens, or the other shoe drops, what will you choose? Consider going with the FLOW, and knowing that you can, indeed, find happiness in those moments and love what you’re doing right now.
“Give your fullest attention to whatever the moment presents.” —Eckhart Tolle
It’s your life. Lead it well.
Monique
Leadership Lessons from the Jungle of Life
February 12, 2015
I love it when nature becomes the perfect metaphor for life and leading. My family and I recently took a super fun excursion on a GINORMOUS buggy deep into the Everglades. I have to admit that I was both excited for the adventure, and scared of the “what if’s!” It’s sad to admit that I have not taken much advantage of this beautiful resource in all my 40+ years in Florida.
I was with my children, though, and I kept listening to my inner chatter, which at times was saying something like, “You don’t want your kids to be fearful! Suck it up, smile, and have a blast!” In this moment, my leadership role was as MOM to my kids, preparing them for the Jungle of Life! You know what’s in the jungle…lions, tigers and bears (oh my!)
In this jungle, on this perfect sunny and cool day, we encountered fresh panther and bear tracks (yes, I said fresh!!!) And, as we explored one Cyprus Dome after another, we came across a water moccasin! It got a little hairy at that point, and we realized that we were, in deed, in the presence of danger. We held our breath. We laughed it off. We kept going.
I look back on that day and see all of us without the proper gear (although we tried!), up to our thighs in mucky cold water exploring our South Florida gem, and I’m so proud of what we accomplished and survived as a family. My 16-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter dug deep that day, kept their thoughts positive, and pushed through. And, well, I kept my cool even during those moments where I wanted to grab my kids and run back to the buggy! I pushed myself. In the end, we had a fantastic adventure and created great memories. In fact, our wonderful guide shared that he’d never met a more adventurous family!
On the buggy during our ride back, I couldn’t help but notice how one side of the ‘glades was black, dry, and brittle from brush fires, and the other side was green, lush and vibrant. For me, this signified the yin and the yang in everything, just like my feelings of both excitement and fear. Additionally, it was a great reminder that some things have to die to bear new life.
So what does this have to do with leading? I’d love for you to identify for yourself a personal experience where you could take those learnings from “life” and bring them into your “work life”. I truly enjoy making these parallel comparisons often.
For me, here are a few leadership learnings I took from this journey into the ‘glades:
1. Expect Yin and Yang in Everything!
Even the best of opportunities bring some challenges. Where there is light there also is darkness. Be prepared. There is no better example of this than in nature. As we witnessed…a tree, completely burned, with one small leaf growing out of it! Death, yet signs of new life! I also think about perspectives. Where there is one perspective or opinion, you can bet there will be another! As a leader in all situations, being prepared for this dichotomy can save us a lot of wasted energy.
2. Set the Pace. Be the Example.
Leaders are expected to lead. When we don’t meet those expectations, our tribe loses faith in us. We are nothing without our tribe! My children were definitely looking to my husband and me to model how to think, feel and act during this new adventure for us all. And isn’t that how leadership begins? We learn by and through others. Some leaders are great, and some not so great, but the learning is continuous regardless. Especially when teams and organizations are in challenging, and perhaps risky situations or environments, it really helps to hunker down and follow the leader. Sometimes, that’s the only way to make it through to the end. For us, heading in and out of these high grass and water domes, there was no other way…it was one behind the other!
3. You don’t know what you don’t know!
Although we tried our best to prepare, I’m not sure we knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into! We made a quick run (the day before!) to Target and purchased anything that resembled “jungle gear”. We made some great finds, but we didn’t realize how under-prepared we were until we hit our first dome. That was the negative. The positive is that you better believe we’ll be ready next time. As leaders, if we are able to do the necessary homework and preparations to plan for success, do it! Err on the side of caution. Although we were lucky enough to not encounter a truly sticky situation, we did come really close with that water moccasin! Too close. Sometimes business is unforgiving and you only have one shot to win. I am grateful for our tour guide, and learned a lot from him. As leaders we really don’t know it all and we have to be willing to listen and learn in order to grow.
4. Share and Celebrate.
Don’t we always have war stories to share? No matter what the outcome, it’s so important to focus on what went well and cement those awesome moments in our memories. They really do help us stretch. We all were outside of our comfort zones that day, and stretch we did! We celebrated our adventure with a yummy BBQ lunch, and we still can’t stop talking about it and sharing it with others. At work, these are moments that can really bond a team and provide spaces for vulnerability, which help us all understand that we’re human after all.
I bet you have a similar experience, and I’d love to hear it!
Share and celebrate!
It’s your life. Lead it well.
Monique
Illumined Life Leadership 