Seek Focus Instead of Balance
May 23, 2016
We are hardwired to believe that in order to be successful, we must be able to do many things really well and equally well. Well…I have to tell you that this fallacy is one of the major contributors to the amount of stress we feel every day to “do it all” and “be it all”. Perhaps this is one of the reasons we are always craving this ugly word called BALANCE!
As a life-long dancer, balance is critical! In fact, I dare say that it’s absolutely essential for being a superb dancer. But in life, business strategy, and in leadership, I’m not so sure that it is.
Take this quote below as an example. I was reading this article last night about Anthropologie’s tremendous success, and how they attribute it in great part to not being everything to everybody, and not doing the same conventional things that their competitors do. In fact, what they owe much of their success to is what they don’t do.
Read on…
“One of our core philosophies,” explains Anthropologie president Glen Senk, “is that we spend the money that other companies spend on marketing to create a store experience that exceeds people’s expectations. We don’t spend money on messages — we invest in execution.”
This reminds me of one of my favorite tools that I use when working with leaders—The Four Domains of Leadership Strength:
- Executing
- Influencing
- Relationship Building
- Strategic Thinking
If you haven’t yet used the tool StrengthsFinder 2.0, which tells you where your top talents lie within these domains, then this may be new to you. But let’s keep it simple, here’s what you need to know: Not everyone is dominant in all four of these domains! Some people’s talents may be equally dispersed among these strengths domains, but more often than not, we tend to be dominant in one or two.
Clearly, Anthropologie’s strength lies in the execution of their store experience. Once their ideal client walks through their doors they are immersed in a world that speaks to their souls. They execute…and they execute well, because that’s their focus.
It’s the same for each of us. When we are keenly aware of what we are naturally great at, and we spend most of our focus there, the likelihood that we will feel stressed or unsuccessful decreases significantly. We are in our zone!
For example, my two strongest domains lie in Strategic Thinking and Relationship Building. This doesn’t mean that I’m not good at executing or influencing, actually, I’m pretty great at both, but I get things done faster, and with greater pleasure and success when my focus is placed on all things strategic and relationships. As a leader I always kept this top of mind, because I knew that I would be much more effective when I was able to delegate to others in my team who were STRONG in execution—“getting things done” and influencing—“pulling people in”. And guess what? I did have people on my team whose strengths were in those domains. It was wonderful to see and feel the excitement and engagement when we could all focus on what we were great at.
“Balance is a great concept, truly. But it’s better for dancers than for leaders!” ~Monique Catoggio
I’ll leave you with this additional quote to mull over:
“Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.”
~Greg McKeown, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less
Namaste, Monique
Go On and Get Bloomin’!
April 16, 2016
Happy Spring!
I truly love this time of year, not simply because the weather is more tolerable (in Miami that is!) and mostly beautiful, but because this time of year is so symbolic. At the end of March we had the Spring Equinox and Easter, which spiritually symbolize rebirth…a shedding of the darkness and solitude of winter, and an opening to our lightness and our eternal selves.
Although, ideally we should be aware of and ready to shift those dark aspects of our experiences as they happen, from moment to moment, it’s always valuable to our spiritual and emotional growth to find a time to more deeply assess what has or should now transform within us and why. That’s how symbolism and rituals serve us–they cue us to pause our daily lives and prod, question, accept, forgive, understand, decide, take action, and ultimately transform.
I hope you’re not thinking of transformation as some HUGE change we must make in our lives. Nope. It could simply be a tiny awakening to something within us that has or needs to change (even die!) in some small way so that we can, indeed, bloom! That is, after all, how change happens– in each breath, and in each miniscule movement. Our cells are changing constantly. Yes, we ARE the definition of constant change, so we should be more open to embracing it and inciting it!
For those of you up to the task this, here’s a fun activity that can help us think about what within us or outside of us needs to transform in some way, what needs to get kicked to the curb, and what seeds need to be planted so that they grow deep roots in our lives.
- Briefly scan this list of the 12 Dimensions of Wellbeing (from the Wellness Inventory – a well-being assessment and tool I use in my work):
- Self-Love and Responsibility
- Breathing
- Sensing
- Eating
- Moving
- Thinking
- Feeling
- Play and Work
- Communicating
- Intimacy
- Finding Meaning
- Transcending
- What dimension(s) jumped out at you? Pick one to start with.
- Ask yourself: “What about my (i.e., Intimacy) needs to change, die, or grow?”
- Then ask, (Pick a new dimension) “How can the dimension of (i.e., breathing) help me transform my (go back to the first one you picked – Intimacy)?”
Try this with just a few of the dimensions, or all 12 and see what shows up. It’s fun to do with a friend as well and create a nice dialogue. I guarantee you’ll come up with a list of things to think about, as well as some meaningful transformations you feel will help you “rise” this year. Allow your intuition to speak to you, and don’t think too hard. Even without an exercise to guide us, we often know what must change and simply need to find the courage to take those next steps.
May you spring into this new season with a pep in your step, a passion-filled heart, and a mission-driven mind. Allow for what needs to die to die, and give birth to what needs to be born.
Wishing you a powerful spring season!
Namaste,
Monique
Great Idea! Now What?
March 5, 2016
Been in this place before? You take a huge leap of faith and the rath of fear strikes hard?
“What in the hell did I just do?”
“Who am I to think that I can do this?”
“What if I fail?”
Yes, all these questions and many more have poured through my brain over the last month. As positive as I believe I am (it just happens to be my #3 top strength according to Strengths Finder), how could I not expect to have these kinds of thoughts?
I guess it was no coincidence that the day I decide to write this blog (about fear) I receive the Entrepreneur Magazine with the cover article, “Be Fearless Without Being Scared.” It caught my attention.
Even better was the Editor’s note (Amy C. Cosper) on her very real fearful experience of having an exciting new venture idea and scoring a meeting with a hard to reach VC. Here’s a blurb…
(After confirming the meeting) “Instantly, my veins felt colder. My idea no longer felt exciting. It felt like a horrible secret I’d have to real—like a think I’d take out of my briefcase and say, in my most pathetic voice, ‘This is all I have.’”
Whoa. I can relate with that! With Ideation as my #4 top talent I have no shortage of ideas (constantly!!). Although I want to move at the speed of light, it’s not always easy to pick the right idea, trust in it, and ship it! In our “stick to one idea” world of today, it’s not easy to have so many ideas without talking yourself out of all of them.
So, you may be asking… “What are you doing about the fear?”
Well, two things…
- I’m using my fearful voice as a mechanism to do be aware, and to do my homework. After all, fear just wants to protect us from failure. So, I’ll take a thought like, “Who are you to think you can do this?” and I’ll do my very best to find the evidence that I need to quiet that fear and replace it with some self-love and respect. If I’ve found some truth to the fear, then I address it. “What if I fail?” is a great one, because there truly is the chance that I could, indeed, fail! That can be the case for anyone tackling any new project. So, what will my response be if I do fail? I actually think it’s a good question to answer.
- I’m using my fearful voice as motivation. At the end of the day I would rather have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. That’s a quote, isn’t it? Well, the good thing for me is that one of the ways my Positivity strength works is to shift me out of negativity very quickly, allowing me to always see a silver lining. Amy also wrote this, and I couldn’t agree with her more:
“Fear sucks. It really does. It is a raw emotion that stands between you and your greatness. It invades your body and makes you forget you ever had strength. And it is the reason you didn’t Didn’t chase that dream. Didn’t take the risk. Didn’t give yourself the opportunity to see what’s on the other side: the dream achieved, the risk rewarded, the person who survived jumping in and now understands the value of taking a leap in the first place.
#Truth.
And it was Amy’s truth. She didn’t have a good meeting with that VC. She blew it. Fear killed it. BUT, what an incredible failure to learn from. I’m inspired by her honesty and vulnerability.
Yep. I’ve had a few fearful moments since I left my “safe world” in late January. And, well, it’s just par for the course!
So, Now What?
As most of you know, my work is in the space of leadership and well-being, and my blog and newsletter content won’t change. In fact, I want you to know how committed I am to that world, and I’m uber passionate about all of it. In fact, this year you’ll see me broaden my topics and trainings in order to truly put out all that I want to share and how I want to make a difference with my work.
In the same breathe, now as a solo/mom-preneur, I also plan to blog about how it’s going, and how I’m making it work for me. I’m excited to share this aspect of my life now that I’m living it, and I hope that this content will help many of you who are entrepreneurs, or are inspired to go this route one day soon.
Namaste,
Monique
My Top Blogs of 2014
January 7, 2015
As I begin a brand new year of fresh content, I look back at 2014 and what my readers (you!) enjoyed the most.
In case you missed them, here they are again. If you’re reading them for a second time, I hope you take away some new insight that will help you in this brand new year.
1. 10 Tips to Start Your Day Right!
2. Natural Strengths and Wellbeing. Is there a Link?
3. Get into the Spirit of Spirit!
4. 3 Ways to Fly High with your Leadership!
5. SWOT it out! Annual Review in 4 Easy Steps!
6. Gratitude, Breath, and the Whispers.
7. Knock Some Sense Into Yourself!
8. Unconditional Love, Forgiveness, & Puppy Breath!
9. 5 Ways to be your own COO!
10. Know Your Super Human Power and Deploy it in 3 Simple Steps!
We also had some AMAZING guest bloggers this year during our first ever Summer of Wellbeing! Browse them again for some great tips on staying WELL this 2015.
Also, you all just loved my e-book! If you didn’t download it, you can do so here.
Finally, I had the pleasure of guest blogging for one of my favorite blogs, Sources of Insight, by J.D. Meier. I wrote about Sensing, Loving & Leading. Hope you enjoy it!
Thanks for being a part of my 2014! I’m so grateful, and ready for another FAB year of blogging!
It’s your life. Lead it Well!
Monique
Don’t forget to follow me here!
May 1, 2014
Being En Pointe Fans,
Just a reminder that I am now blogging weekly at: http://lwlblog.fiu.edu.
Subscribe to Life Well LED to stay on top of my new content.
Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks for your support!
Namaste,
Monique
Follow me here…New Blog Site
February 19, 2014
Friends,
I’m thrilled to have expanded my work through a new unit at Florida International University (FIU), called Life Well LED. To help move things along, I’m now blogging weekly at:
http://lwlblog.fiu.eduYou’ll find the majority of my Being En Pointe posts there as well.
Hope to chat with you soon at Life Well LED! Thanks for your ongoing support.
Namaste,
Monique
The Anatomy of a "Freak-Out"
January 8, 2009
What exactly is a “freak-out”?
Why do we have them?
How can you benefit from one?
The first week back at work provided me with an opportunity to really give some thought to the above questions. Considering that we are all being affected by the recession and learning that more bad news may be on the way (at least in Fla.), it’s not too hard these days to personally experience a “freak-out” or help another person through one.
Beginning a “new year” brings with it many emotions. Getting back to work I observed some individuals ready to spring into new opportunities, others a bit tentative about what to do and where to start, and then a select few in “freak out” mode.
In this case, my definition of “freak out” is not only imagining the worst case scenario, but feeling it deeply and letting those emotions affect your day, your week, your month, and your future. Many times, it also can dramatically change the energy of those on your team, putting them in reactive mode instead of proactive mode.
So I gave some thought to what brings about this kind of reaction in people, one that can take someone off track and lose momentum. One reason is very obvious–FEAR. Fear of failure and fear of the unknown. The second reason that rings true for me is JUDGEMENT. Judging anything as good or bad automatically reduces the important activity of reasoning. The minute we judge something one way or another we leave no room for arguments otherwise; we have created a paradigm. In many cases we also make quick decisions which can be detrimental later. Worst for me, though, is not allowing for the opportunity of success. Success does not come overnight, it comes from sustained, thoughtful and energetic work.
Preventing one may not be as hard as it seems. The first step I’d like to propose to you is to learn how not to judge. This is hard at first, but it gets easier with practice. You can say to yourself, “This outcome is not good or bad, it just is.” Then, take the time to evaluate what opportunity you can take from this outcome. There is always an opportunity! I bet if you took the time to evaluate a past “freak-out” you would probably tell me what the opportunity was or could have been (if you allowed it).
The second step I’d like for you to consider is to be in the moment with the situation and with your emotions. Acknowledge them, name them, and talk to them (you may want to close your office door!). You can tell them to take a deep breath and calm down. You can then tell them to find the silver lining.
Finally, you can evaluate past situations that turned out just the way you wanted them to, identify the reasons why they were successful in your eyes, then take those same tactics and apply them to the current situation.
In following these three simple steps you will attack the onset of the “freak-out” and you will be in a proactive state of mind. Others can only benefit from your “state” and join you for the joy ride.
So, what if you are not able to avoid a “freak-out”? Pat yourself on the back for being human. We all have them. Again, if I follow my own advice, I will forgive myself for reacting this way, and I will use it as an opportunity to battle my fear head on and strengthen my intent for positive, proactive action. Some times we have to fall to stand up taller. 🙂
Remember, the New Year has barely fallen upon us. Have your “freak-out”, learn from it, get over it, and move forward with vigor and a deep intention to enjoy each day to the fullest.
Monique
Just BE!
December 16, 2008
It’s the final countdown to the holidays. It’s a time to be joyful, grateful, spend quality time with your relatives, and JUST BE.
Just BE??? Huh?? That sounds out of place, doesn’t it? I bet for a moment, some of you read “just be” and sighed because it felt so nice to imagine JUST BEING! Regardless of how special and beautiful of a time the holidays are, most people are a little stressed during these times. In fact, some just feed off of that stress, or compete with others to see who is the most stressed. Silly, isn’t it?
I have to admit that I still have not bought presents for the kids’ teachers, taken a family photo, and purchased holiday cards (they are coming, I promise!!). And, to make matters worst, I’m already thinking of ways to avoid certain conversations during our family get togethers or solve those family crisis’ that may come about. Sound familiar? My heart is racing right now as I type this. Yes, both my Superwoman and conflict avoider gremlins are beginning to show.
What is preventing you from JUST BEING this holiday season? The tight economy may offer many of us a valid excuse to cut back a bit, but do we really need any excuses? Sometimes we feel like we need permission to not be so perfect and to not fulfill our own and everyone else’s expectations of us. Sometimes our ego (the part of us that needs to be this or that, or must do this or that) requires permission to relax, not get everything done, and JUST BE.
This past week I gave one my clients permission to do just this…BE. I was sensing she really needed for someone to give her that permission and help her imagine what it would feel like to let it all go and take care of herself. The amount of time you need is up to you. So, if you happen to be in this predicament, let me help you as well. I give you permission to JUST BE!!! Take as much time as you need to get back to a place where you are truly ready to shift into high gear again. It is a place where we have no “needs”, “shoulds”, or “musts”, but “WANTS.” Remember, it’s not the speed by which we arrive that’s valuable, but the quality and source of the effort.
So, during the next few weeks I hope you will give some thought to things that can wait a day or two—or an hour or two—to get done so that you’re putting your heart and soul into these important activities that bring joy to so many in your life and to you!
To my friends and relatives who may be reading this…you will most likely get your “Happy New Year” cards after January 1st, but I promise they will contain all of my love and enthusiasm. “-)
Here’s wishing you all the space to JUST BE! Enjoy.
Monique
Illumined Life Leadership 