Power to Choose
April 23, 2012
I’ve had the pleasure recently of addressing many college students and professionals about the direct link between our energy and how happy, balanced and successful we feel in our lives. This concept of Energy Leadership places the responsibility of our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and ultimately, our life’s outcomes, in our hands. It teaches us that despite what we may be experiencing, or who/what we are surrounded by, we have the power to lead our lives in a way that creates everything we want more of…great relationships, productivity, results, energy and enthusiasm, feelings of success in all areas of our life, health, wellness, balance, and more.
However, the question that I have been getting most is, “How can I manage all of the negativity and conflicted individuals around me? How do I not let it affect me?” Great question, and a great exercise in leading our energy.
I read a passage just a few days ago which nicely addresses this exact question. It said:
Negativity will bring us down if we stay around it long enough. We don’t fully grasp that being around destructive people will affect us, seep into us, and eventually pull us down. That’s why choosing our environment is so important. In truth, the only free will we have is choosing our environment, because once we are in it, it determines how we grow. It is similar to wheat which is planted in the ground. The potential is not realized without the right soil, rain and sunlight which make up the environment…once man has chosen his environment, he is in its hands, like clay in the hands of a potter. ” –Yehuda Berg.
Wise message, indeed. But, how can we fix an environment which we cannot leave in that moment (or choose not to leave)? Or, how can we help to bring about change in others knowing that in the end they must change themselves?
I’d like to suggest this process which allows us to influence change within our own power, raising our positive energetic vibrations along the way. It’s all about CHOICE.
- Remain a victim to it.
This option is always a choice, but one which will continue to give you feelings of loss of control, powerlessness, grief, anger, etc. - Avoid the conflict, challenge or individuals.
Get out of the situation. Limit your involvement or time spent with the individuals. You can consciously and in an empowered way choose not to get involved in certain conversations or with certain people. If you don’t like smoke, don’t sit in the smoking section! - Change or leave the situation.
Do what you can to intervene to bring about a resolution, or offer a positive perspective to the conversation or situation. If you don’t like the music being played, suggest a new station! Or, change the channel yourself! Sometimes circumstances make it so that we cannot leave certain environments. If over time, you can’t effect change or make it better for yourself, leaving may be the only answer. It may be time to consider making the changes necessary that will allow you to exit. - Alter your perspective of the experience.
Look at the situation differently and your experience of it will change. Use techniques like changing your understanding of the significance of the situation (how urgent is this, really?), becoming curious instead of furious, visualizing yourself in a different location–one that brings you peace (like a mountain top!), understanding why the person may be doing what he or she is doing, or bringing compassion into the situation instead of judgement. - Accept it.
Accepting a situation as it is instead of fighting it. Consider saying to yourself, “So what? In the bigger scheme in life, does this problem really and truly matter?” Simply don’t assign so much value to the situation or the person. You can choose to be in the moment and see the potential learning opportunity in that moment [for you or for the other(s)]. By releasing the situation, we also release the energy of it!
We have the power to choose how we live, work, play and feel. Certainly, in our lives we are confronted with situations where we feel powerless and unable to make a change, or leave. However, we do have the power to choose how we feel about these situations, people, changes, etc. We have quite a bit of power at our disposal, we simply need the courage to access it and make those tough decisions.
If you feel you are in a negative situation currently, or are in the company of negative individuals who you feel drain you of your energy, consider the above process and answer these questions to help you influence change and to ultimately feel better and in more control:
- Do I feel like I am powerless in this situation, or a victim to this person?
- How can I “change the channel” or intervene to create a more solution-oriented environment?
- How might I alter my perspective of this issue or person?
- If I simply accepted the situation for what it is and/who the person is, how might that help me release the negativity I’m feeling?
- What would be my ultimate outcome and what are the first steps I can take to achieve that outcome?
And, remember, small changes in actions and perceptions create HUGE shifts in our energy and in how we feel.
Finally, consider The Optimists Creed as an anchor for you today and in those tough moments:
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation — some fact of my life– unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Namaste,
Monique
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall. Who am I?
November 3, 2010
Ever feel like others don’t really see who you are? Ever feel like you don’t know yourself either? How strongly would you agree with the belief that you must “know thyself” in order to lead others? Would you agree that we must lead ourselves really well in order to lead others?
This week I have the pleasure of coaching women executives at our Women on the Move program. It’s a pleasure because I am surrounded by powerful female energy; transformative, healing energy. At this retreat we retreat within. We learn to get to know ourselves deeply and understand how appreciating and sharing our authentic selves with all those around us helps us to launch a transformation like no other.
So as women, in particular, where do we begin? For me it begins with awareness and trust…of the self.
It’s no coincidence that we refer to earth as “Mother Earth,” because it is a natural trait of women to nurture, protect, put others first, and many times, say “yes,yes, yes” to anything that will create life, despite exhaustion. It is in our nature to give birth!! In fact, the Tao Te Ching refers to this special female energy of creation in such a beautiful way:
“The spirit that never dies is called the mysterious feminine. Although she becomes the whole universe, her immaculate purity is never lost. Although she assumes countless forms, her true identity remains intact. The gateway to the mysterious female is called the root of creation. Listen to her voice, hear it echo through creation. Without fail, she reveals her presence. Without fail, she reveals her presence. Without fail, she brings us to our own perfection. Although it is invisible, it endures; it will never end.”
Wow. That’s powerful!
If you are eager for a transformation; if you are eager to share with the world your true nature; if you are eager to lead and inspire others to reach their authenticity and greatness….begin with you!
Ask yourself:
-What is the spirit within me that never dies?
-What about me and only me is pure and never lost?
-What do I LOVE to create?
-What would my voice say if I didn’t care about what others would think and say about me?
-What about me can others count on without fail?
If you don’t know the answers to these questions, take time away from the rat race, from spinning your wheels and operating from a place far away from your authentic self. Pause to understand that things don’t have to remain the same; that we don’t have to operate on automatic or on auto-pilot. In fact, we can come to know the power of operating on purpose, driving forward from our authentic self.
Imagine what this small step would do for you; for your life. Imagine how you would inspire others to do the same merely by modeling this powerful behavior.
Look in that mirror today. Instead of asking “Who am I?”, take the time to get familiar with the you Mother Earth created; with the you others are craving to experience.
Namaste,
Monique
Dogs, Vampires and Screams, Oh My!
September 7, 2010
Are you caging yourself or being caged?
The second half of The Energy Bus, by Jon Gordon gives us some great food for thought. I enjoy the metaphors sprinkled throughout the book, because they help to create a visual that can act as cues to remind us of when shifting our energy (or removing ourselves from negative environments) is essential.
Since Halloween is drawing near, I decided that I would use the months of September and October to practice ridding my inner and outer surroundings of the “negative dogs” and the “energy vampires.” By the time October 31st comes around I’ll be ready to celebrate the success of this challenge.
Truth be told, however, we don’t need an occasion like Halloween to practice these techniques. The dogs and vampires surround us daily, and relinquishing them of their power on a daily basis is where the mastery lies.
So, what’s all this dog talk? Here’s the story from The Energy Bus.
“A man goes to the village to visit the wise man and he says to the wise man, ‘I feel like there are two dogs inside me. One dog is the positive, loving, kind and gentle dog and then I have this angry, mean-spirited, and negative dog and they fight all the time. I don’t know which is going to win!’ The wise man thinks for a moment and he says, ‘I know which is going to win. The one you feed the most, so feed the positive dog.’”
We all have those voices inside barking at us all day. Which one is more productive and energy building, and which one makes us foam at the mouth (practically!) and sends people running in the other direction? I bet I don’t have to answer the question. It’s kind of scary to see yourself as a dog on attack, but many times that’s exactly how we act toward ourselves and others. Yikes! So, let’s heed the wise man’s advice and FEED THE POSITIVE DOG!
Joy, the super positive Energy Bus-Driver also refers to another creature we need to watch out for. She explains:
“I call the people who drain your energy Energy Vampires and they will suck the life out of you and your goals and vision if you let them. They will cause an engine leak, make your ride miserable, or even worse slash your tires.”
I never thought of these “energy suckers” as vampires before, but the visual is very powerful. We all know who these people are, don’t we? Sometimes we call them Debbie Downers, or Sore Losers, Wet Towels, Buzz Kills, etc. Humorous, yes, but true. When we are in our “flow” and feeling great, one of these vampires comes along and drains us of our energy through his/her complaints, accusations, depression, etc. Sometimes, we are the vampires. Yes, looking in the mirror often can be enlightening. We all have a shadow side and many of the things we see in others that make us feel uncomfortable are the very things we do to others unconsciously.
So, how do we not become the negative dog or energy vampires, and how do we avoid getting the energy sucked out of us from other negative dogs and energy vampires?
One way is to increase our self awareness, or consciousness. Take your dog on a walk; WALK THE TALK. Here’s what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of FLOW: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, has to say about leading your energy through consciousness:
“A person can make himself happy, or miserable, regardless of what is actually happening ‘outside,’ just by changing the contents of consciousness. We all know individuals who can transform hopeless situations into challenges to be overcome, just through the force of their personalities. This ability to persevere despite obstacles and setbacks is the quality people most admire in others, and justly so; it is probably the most important trait not only for succeeding in life, but for enjoying it as well. To develop this trait, one must find ways to order consciousness so as to be in control of feelings and thoughts.”
He also said:
“But no social change can come until the consciousness of individuals is changed first. When a young man asked Carlyle how he should go about reforming the world, Carlyle answered, ‘Reform yourself. That way there will be one less rascal in the world.’ The advice is still valid. Those who try to make life better for everyone without having learned to control their own lives first usually end up making things worse all around.”
Yes, folks, it all starts with us.
And, Joy, our super positive Energy Bus driver tells us that these are the final rules to creating our Energy Bus (continued from my last blog):
6. Post a Sign That Says No Energy Vampires Allowed on Your Bus. That’s right, just don’t let them in! Tell them to stay away. And, if you are the vampire, you’ve got some work to do.
7. Enthusiasm Attracts More Passengers and Energizes Them During the Ride. Do you want to be on the Debbie Downer bus or the Bob the Builder bus?
8. Love Your Passengers. The heart acts as an emotional conductor and radiates how you are feeling to every cell in the body via the heart’s electromagnetic field; this energy field can be detected up to 5 to 10 feet away. What are you attracting? Do you want to attract love or fear?
9. Drive with Purpose. If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you get to where you need to go? Drive your bus with purpose daily and more people will come along for the ride.
10. Have Fun and Enjoy the Ride. In the end, isn’t this what life’s all about?
No Energy Vampires Allowed!
More and more, what matters to me is enjoying the process, not the end result. Finding joy and living energetically in the moment can provide us with millions of meaningful moments along our journey.
While common sensical, The Energy Bus provides us a story that we can relate to. We encounter individuals on a daily basis who have either given up, or who are fighting way too hard. Sometimes, we, ourselves, are those people. Author, Jon Gordon, gives us 10 simple steps to gain more control of our lives, raise our energy, live with heart, and allow the flow of life to bring us joy again.
We can choose to be energetic and happy. The choice always begins with us.
Halloween doesn’t need to be every day. That’s really scary! Let’s get rid of those nasty dogs and vampires and get a move on!
Enjoy your ride!
Monique
My Relaxed Book Club will discuss selections from books I feel help high-achieving professionals continue to develop themselves and work on their personal leadership leading to more fulfilled, balanced and successful lives and careers.
It’s Your Bus; Drive It!
August 2, 2010
Where do you want to go?
I bet you can remember a time when the most unlikely stranger made you go “hmm.” That’s right, he or she flew into your life just as quickly as he/she left, but definitely made an imprint. That’s the kind of feeling you get when reading The Energy Bus. The supporting character, “Joy” a bus driver, has been the miracle saver for the main character, George, whose life is in shambles. He is about to lose both his job and marriage, and has zero energy to do anything about it.
Meeting Joy was no accident, as George had no choice but to ride the bus to work when his car broke down and his wife refused to stop changing her plans to help him. What he didn’t know was that this “unfortunate situation” would be his life-changing opportunity. He didn’t just board any bus; he boarded the “Energy Bus.”
Joy is like the coach that everyone wants and needs; that friend you’d like to have in your pocket every time you need to be reminded of how truly great you have it and how much better things can be if you get out of our own way. Joy’s life purpose is evident; to get her passengers to embrace their lives, choose to live energetically, and bring others along for the ride. She does this by sharing her 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life with Positive Energy. Not only does Joy share these rules, but she has her “students” practice them with daily exercises, and holds them accountable to boot! Yep, she’s a coach all right!
After a few days of riding Joy’s bus, George’s energy had shifted dramatically. Those around him began to see a difference, he felt a difference, and having to ride a bus wasn’t so bad after all.
This book is an easy and quick read, but its message is timely and timeless.
Here are the first five rules with short take-a-ways:
1. You are the driver of your bus.
- Why would you let other people and situations manage and/or manipulate your energy? Your energy is your “bus;” now steer it to where you want it to go!
2. Desire, Vision & Focus Move Your Bus in the Right Direction
- How will you get to where you need to go without a map, a plan or support? Chart your course, get excited about it, and keep moving!
3. Fuel Your Ride with Positive Energy
- Think of those people, activities, foods, and thoughts who/that energize you and those who/that drain you. Get the picture? Only you can fuel your ride with positive energy. Make smart choices.
4. Invite People on Your Bus and Share Your Vision for the Road Ahead
- Positive energy is magnetic. Don’t keep your purpose and excitement to yourself. If you are authentic, others will want to match your energy and come along for the ride.
5. Don’t Waste Your Energy on Those Who Don’t Get on Your Bus
- Yep. This is an important one. Negative energy will always be around, but where will you be? Stay away from the water cooler, folks!
I’ll close this post by sharing a few other bits of info Joy offered to George along the way, which made me go “hmm.” Maybe they will make you think a bit as well.
- Did you know that most people who die pass on a Monday morning at 9 am? We can infer that a lot of people prefer to give up on their lives than go to work! Scary thought.What should your thoughts be aligned with on Monday mornings?
- At the end of a long game golfers usually forget all of the bad shots they made and remember the one great shot they had that day. The thought and feeling they get when thinking about that particular shot makes them want to play again and again; this is why so many people get addicted to golf. I’ll have to ask my golfer friends if they agree with this one, but it sounds on par to me (hee hee!)What would happen if you would focus each day on the one great thing that you experienced? Would you be more energized to go into the next day and get excited about the opportunities that you know will come your way?
Food for thought.
I am on a wonderful Energy Bus this month; on a road trip with my family. It has been a lot of fun so far, and in those not-so-fun, stressful moments, I remember the 5 rules I shared with you above, and I remind myself that I have to be my own “Joy” and stay in charge of my bus.
Cheers to the rest of the ride!
May you all enjoy an energized week,
Monique
My Relaxed Book Club will discuss selections from books I feel help high-achieving professionals continue to develop themselves and work on their personal leadership leading to more fulfilled, balanced and successful lives and careers.
Which Bus Are You On?
July 21, 2010
For those of you who know me well and keep up with my posts, my next Relaxed Book Club selection will come as no surprise to you. For me, ENERGY is not a buzz word; it is life. I’ve come to learn that energy is not ethereal, but very tangible. It has everything to do with the level of personal and professional success we feel we achieve, as well as with the positive relationships and experiences that keep us motivated and IN LOVE with our lives.
I feel I am one of the lucky ones who has had the opportunity to practice, coach, and assess others on Energy Leadership–a unique system and assessment (and book!) developed by Bruce D. Schneider, Master Coach and Founder of iPEC Coaching. Essentially, when our “E-Factor” is healthy and rising, we lead our lives, not the other way around. (Yep! We can measure your Energy Factor! Cool, huh?)
Who’s driving your bus?
Are you on the LOVE bus, or the FEAR bus?
How are you leading your life?
I have not yet begun reading Energy Bus by Jon Gordon, but the reviews are stellar, and I’m really looking forward to starting on this journey, which comes just in time for my longest road trip to date. I’m ready for the ride…both of them! If you’d like to join me for this trip, pick up your copy and let’s get to more learning and teaching. I just can’t get enough of either!
Here’s some of what we have to look forward to:
“The Energy Bus takes readers on an enlightening and inspiring ride that reveals 10 secrets for approaching life and work with the kind of positive, forward thinking that leads to true accomplishment – at work and at home. Everyone faces challenges. And every person, organization, company and team will have to overcome negativity and adversity to define themselves and create their success.”
I invite you to read along with me. 🙂
Vroom Vroom,
Monique
My Relaxed Book Club will discuss selections from books I feel help high-achieving professionals continue to develop themselves and work on their personal leadership leading to more fulfilled, balanced and successful lives and careers.
Cry. Release. Cleanse. Renew.
June 18, 2010
This blog is a result of one of my daily 21.5.800 writing challenges. Learn more about the challenge here.
Today, I cried. A lot.
You’re probably wondering why, but that’s not the point of my blog today. No. Sometimes I cry because I’m laughing so hard that I just can’t help it. Other times I cry because I’m empathetic to the emotions or pains of others. And sometimes I cry because I am experiencing pain or sadness. Regardless of why I cry, though, I notice how exceptionally wonderful I feel afterward, like a drain that had been clogged and now is wide open, ready to take on lots of water, some junk, and some jewels!
Release.
Yes, it was a release; one that I apparently needed. I know many people who just refuse to cry. I can certainly understand why. Crying makes us feel vulnerable, like that wide open drain that doesn’t want to get taken advantage of and filled with unwanted stuff. Sometimes it’s easier to remain closed and protected, right? Oh, but that release is so powerful! Imagine all of the new, beautiful, healthy thoughts, people, and experiences you can fill it with?
Cleanse.
Just yesterday my daughter asked me why tears are salty. I thought, “Great question!” I couldn’t really think of how to answer, but I tried, and said, “Well, maybe it’s because 70% of our bodies are made up of water, and just like the ocean’s salt water is healing, our tears exist to heal us.” Now, I know you scientists out there have the right answer (which I would love for you to share with me so I can save myself the Google search), but I kinda liked my answer, and so did my daughter. She loves to cry, to taste her tears, and now she understands how her tears can help her feel better.
That discussion, however, did ignite my interest enough for a search on the healing properties of water and salt. Here are a few interesting tidbits of information I found:
- The brain is over 75% water, and, when it detects a shortage of available fluids, it implements a water rationing process by producing histamines, which are known to cause pain and fatigue (Yikes! Drink up).
- Thalassotherapy (from the Greek word thalassos, meaning “sea”) is the medical use of seawater. The properties of seawater are believed to have beneficial effects upon the pores of the skin.
- The salt water healing abilities are profound and well documented. Salt water is an astringent and speeds wound healing. Floating in sea water is an extreme release of tension and stress of the day.
- Many scientists have become increasingly interested in finding ways to configure water molecules to make them more “energetic”, such as exposing a glass filled with water to direct sunlight for a while or placing a copper or gold object into a glass of water. Such water can be called an “ideal” antioxidant and it is similar to the increasingly rare pristine water of pure glacial melt and high mountain streams. The importance of consuming food and beverages having a high quality water with hexagonal cluster arrangement of water molecules will reflect as a positive impact on our well-being.
Renew.
Regardless of this information, though, intuitively I believe we understand how water heals. When we are stressed, a shower or hot bath helps us feel better. When we have cuts or colds, we head to the beach for some salt water healing. When our throats hurt we rinse with salt water. When we are tired, splashing our faces with cold water wakes us right up. When we are dehydrated, a nice glass of water balances and energizes us. How about dancing in the rain for a lively refresher? Sign me up. What other examples can you share?
For some more thoughts on water and healing, you can refer to my earlier blog about self-love, which refers to a phenomenal book Love Thyself: The Message from Water III, by Masaru Emoto (more about energized water and hexagonal structures).
So, don’t hold back. Have yourself a good cry; it’s good for you. Let it all out, and then do yourself some more good and drink it all back in with a nice tall glass of water that you’ve energized with your thoughts and words, and perhaps, the sun.
I raise my glass of healing water to you, and to my great cry today!
Cheers,
Monique
Blog Challenge! #best09
December 11, 2009
Check this out! What a great way to appreciate what precious and simple gifts 2009 has brought us all. As a happy blogger I’m deciding to participate with many others in this challenge, share in others’ great ’09 moments, and hopefully, get some great tips along the way.
The idea is to micro blog about the topic of the day (25 topics in December). I’m not starting on time, and so I’m just choosing to pick and choose some memorable topics and moments which apply to me and that I wish to share. So, you’ll hear from me a bit this December! Hope you don’t mind. 🙂
I particularly like a few of the topics I’ve missed, so I will begin with them in order to catch up. And away we go!
Dec. 1 – Trip – My best trip this year was to Chicago with my Junior High School girlfriends (Las Sucias….Lina, Kiki, Ody, Anne, Rosie and Audra). We have been taking trips each year for nine years. This was my first time in Chicago, and I absolutely fell in love with the city and the people. My favorite moment was taking the SPEED Architectural Tour and getting super soaked. You know when you laugh so hard you think you’re going to pee??? It was one of those moments. Nice. Thanks for a wonderful time, Chicago! But, mostly, I can be anywhere with my “girls” and be perfectly content. I love you, Ladies!! XXXOOO
Out and About in CHI!
Dec. 4 – Book – Hands down, the best book I’ve read this year is Energy Leadership by Bruce D Schneider. Yes, Bruce, I’m giving you a plug!! I love Bruce, iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching), and I can honestly say that reading this book solidified my desire to become a Professional Leadership Coach, specializing in the study of energy. This book showed me exactly how a company could be turned around using the Energy Leadership Index and Energy Leadership Coaching. Very exciting stuff that gets me going!!
Dec. 5 – Night Out – OMG! I was reborn the night I was invited to attend a friend’s party at a hole in the wall bar just a few blocks away from my house (good thing for those very late nights!). I am a natural-born performer (former dancer and kick but karaoke singer!), so when I saw the encyclopedia-sized Karaoke book in the 7 Seas Bar, I about lost it. I had a blast belting out my favorite tunes with my friends, letting loose, and hanging out with the most random people I’ve ever met. Fun night. Now… a monthly tradition.
Dec. 6 – Workshop or Conference – Absolutely my iPEC coaching program weekend trainings in Tampa, FL with my fellow coaches. You all ROCK! Much love, always.
Dec. 8 – Moment of Peace – Ok…don’t laugh…but, sometimes, the only place I can be still and meditate in the dark for 10 or so minutes is my bathroom! Sad, but true. Every morning after my shower, this is my “get my morning off on the right foot” ritual. Regardless of the location, it shall continue for my sanity!
Dec. 9 – Challenge – Something that really made me grow this year was taking a huge leap of faith, together with my husband, and launching our new venture http://scubanation.com. Yes, the unknown can be risky and scary, but also can be down right exciting! Pursue your passion and success shall follow.
Celebrating at the ScubaNation.com Launch Party
Whew! I think I’m caught up now. I can’t promise I will blog each day this month, but I will be back soon to continue my #best09!
Enjoy and celebrate the best of your year!
Monique
Illumined Life Leadership 