7 Ways to be Super Without the Cape! by Luly B.
July 9, 2015
The superhero cape gets way more credit than it should.
Here’s why: the cape has become a symbol for perfection. We strive to be perfect mothers, sisters and partners. We want to be perfect friends, colleagues, and bosses. We want to have perfect bodies, skin, and hair.
What I have found is that so many of us put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves to be perfect. To be a superhero. To be what really is a fictional character to begin with.
Our cape is so tightly fastened, it is choking us. And before we know it, we are living our lives without really experiencing it.
So, let’s ditch that cape and release the weight of the world off your shoulders…so you can start to experience the awesomeness we call LIFE!
1. Stop feeling guilty.
Ever feel guilty about missing your child’s soccer game or leaving the office early? When we put up this wall of guilt, it negatively affects our relationships and makes it hard to savor our blessings. Confront situations when you feel guilty, put things in perspective and just plain move on.
2. Ditch your superhero cape.
Wearing a superhero cape all the time is exhausting. The urge to do it all yourself is really an addiction to perfection. But, guess what? Doing your best is good enough. Remember: the pursuit of perfection prevents progress. I invite you to begin a new pursuit: the pursuit of perspective.
3. Don’t compromise yourself.
When you say “yes” to something you know deep down you wanted to say “no” to, you unnecessarily burden yourself. Sometimes, saying “no” to others means saying “yes” to you. It’s as simple as saying no gracefully, and offering a solution or alternative that better suits you. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
4. Accept help.
Did you know that you can’t breathe out without taking a breath in first? In the same way, I invite you to accept help, support and love from those around you. Allowing others to help you frees you up to be the best version of yourself. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of grace. After all, if you want to be a great giver, you need to be a great receiver first.
5. Recruit the right people for your life.
Who’s in your army, and who’s hating on it? Take a good look at the people in your life, and identify those individuals that help bring you up, as well as those who just bring you down. Clean house accordingly and surround yourselves with people who love you unconditionally, support you, and lift you up.
6. Be grateful.
Practice gratitude! Shift your perspective to be positive and optimistic, to look at what you have instead of what you don’t have. Every morning when you wake up, think of three things you are grateful for. Release the fear of “what if” and be grateful for “what is.”
7. Celebrate YOU!
Work hard, celebrate harder! You deserve to celebrate yourself the same way you’d enthusiastically celebrate a friend’s birthday. What’s all this hard work for, anyway? Celebrate with a dance, a high five, dinner or a trip. You don’t need to land a huge client or a big promotion in order to celebrate your awesomeness.
How will you take off your super hero cape this summer? What will you commit to?
Speaker | Coach | Author
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The One Action That Can Really Change Your Life
July 8, 2015
“You are never not whole. While we may long for it, the great irony is that it is already here in any and every moment, and it is already ours.”—John Kabat-Zinn
I just got through reading section two (Sustaining) of Mindfulness for Beginners by John Kabat-Zinn, and I have a new favorite verb!Optimize Your Wellbeing
See Clearly Again
It creates ‘clear seeing’ – knowing the actuality of things rather than being caught in our misperceptions and misapprehensions of reality.It clears us from our habits of self-disctraction.”
Do What You Love! by Ralph Quintero
July 2, 2015
“Do what you love.”
Much Ado About Nothing is Everything!
July 1, 2015
A Practice that doesn’t discriminate
A filter through which to experience everything
“Ultimately, I see mindfulness as a love affair— with life, with reality and imagination, with the beauty of your own being,with your heart and body and mind, and with the world.” —John Kabat-Zinn
Breath is a great beginning
Creating a new default baseline
Five Lessons from Ten Days of Silence by Rula Sater
June 25, 2015
How many of us would consider a ten day silent meditation as a learning experience? I thought it would be a nice getaway, time to be with me. Never did I imagine that ten days of silence would teach me more than any book or class.
Upon my arrival to the meditation center, I was escorted to the dining area where all students were gathered awaiting the instructions for the next ten days. There were nineteen women and seven men of different ages gathered around the dining area chatting while anticipating that soon the echo of chatter would fade and the sound of a pin drop would be heard. Moments later, the manager of the center appears and plays the instructions from a tape recorder–yes, it was pretty antiquated to say the least, but we weren’t at the Apple Headquarters. The instructions: no talking, no eye contact, no reading, no cell phone, no books, no writing, no exercising, no killing of any insects-including Mosquitos. After the recording finished, the manager said, “From now forward everyone is to honor these noble rules.”
Every morning, we gather in group at 4:30 AM in the main hall for group meditation, and then spending about 12 hours each day learning and practicing the Vipassana meditation technique. The goal is to sharpen your mind, to raise your awareness and to know yourself better.
Five Lessons I Learned in Ten Days:
1) The moment is yours.
This moment is all you have; what do you want to experience? Too many times we are living in yesterday or tomorrow and not in the now. We hear it often, but don’t experience it enough-enjoy the now, it’s all you have.
2) Pain and Attachment
I have often pondered on the question, what causes pain? Our attachment to things, feelings and people causes a constant state of desire to the attachment. As soon as the “attachment” is taken away, pain sets in. Imagine you lose a watch that is very expensive, you get sad and may even cry at your loss of the watch. Now imagine your colleague has the same watch and it goes missing; this time you don’t cry or get sad. The attachment is to the object and it causes misery. Attachment causes pain.
3) Love is yours.
This one lesson is a bit difficult for most to comprehend. No one can actually GIVE you love; it’s yours, always has been and always will be. Others can share their love with you, but never give it to you because love is within you and you already possess it. This in essence proves the notion that you are love.
4) Know thyself.
All great sages and religious leaders advise us to know thyself, not just intellectually, emotionally or devotionally, but know reality experientially. Experience directly the reality of our mental/physical phenomenon; this is what helps us be free from suffering.
5) Compassion heals.
Over ten days of silence and the most important lesson was on my way back home at the airport. I stopped in the food court and picked up a sandwich. After I ordered my food, there was a change of shift. I observed a fragile and sensitive young man who came to the register taking people’s orders in a genuinely friendly manner. I noticed he would often made mistakes on the register and as soon as he made a mistake, he would get very flustered, so much so that his co-workers didn’t want to be around him and it was quite obvious. Instantaneously I felt his suffering as if it was my own. As soon as the customers cleared, I approached him and he warmly welcomed me and asked to take my order. I glanced over at his name tag and responded, “No. thank you Jacob. I just wanted to thank you for the wonderful job you are doing.” Jacob began to cry and reached out for my hand and we cried together. Everyone faces the “universal problem” of suffering, the remedy is also universal…compassion heals. What I saw in Jacob was merely a reflection. Sometimes it’s that simple, people are in need of compassion.
We all seek growth; sometimes we seek it externally, yearning for external praise, status or things. But, growth happens from the inside out, contrary to what we have been conditioned to believe. It is not wrong to try to get rid of the apparent external cause of your suffering. But it is more important to get rid of the internal cause.
May you all experience this ultimate truth. May all people be free from misery. May you enjoy real peace, real harmony, and real happiness.
Be Happy,
Rula Sater
Rula Sater is a certified coach and Master Neurolinguistic program practitioner. She incorporates meditation and mindfulness in her work with her clients. She primarily works with those in leadership capacity coaching them on breaking down obstacles, understanding how to better communicate and how to reach and utilize their true leadership potential. Additionally, Rula provides leadership training to organizations seeking to create an exceptional leadership workforce. She has been recognized as a Top 40 Trainer Under 40 in North America by Training Magazine. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Master’s Degree in Industrial/Organization Psychology.
Visit me at http://www.rightcoachforlife.com or drop me a line at metamorphosiscoach@gmail.com
Your Thoughts Are Things!
June 24, 2015
This week is my final blog about the book Your Health is in Your Hands, by James D. Jordan. In the video below I talk about how emotions relate to our wellbeing, and I share how I recently discovered a particular emotion that was causing one of my ailments.
Earlier in my career, it was fashionable to pretend that stress was a good thing. The stress (caused by fear) is what makes us run from a charging buffalo, they said. Stress in the workplace can help us be more efficient and effective, we were told, providing an energy boost that improves focus and productivity. Talking about how stressed and overworked you were was like working crazy hours – a way to be noticed by the boss, and advance in your career.
I never bought it. I have never had to run from a charging buffalo.
Stress is your body’s response to a perceived threat. Cortisol increases, adrenaline increases, and all the blood rushes out of your brain. Your reptilian, dumbed down brain responds – fight or flight. Could this possibly improve your work product, allow you to make good decisions, or contribute to positive results?
Perhaps fight or flight was the best we could do thousands of years ago, but I like to think evolution isn’t over. We can control how we react to challenging situations. Remaining calm under all circumstances is the best way to stay focused on a goal, complete a difficult task, or motivate a team.
How can we remain calm? Practice helps.
One practice that helps to maintain calm is mindfulness. According to Mindful Work, the new book by David Gelles, “…mindfulness is about increasing our awareness of what’s happening in our minds, throughout our bodies, and in the world around us. It is about noticing these things, and also accepting them as they are, rather than making ourselves crazy by wishing things were different.”
It’s about focusing on this moment. Not on yesterday. Not on tomorrow. Not on the email that just showed up.
Mindfulness is cropping up not just in ashrams or meditation centers. Companies big and small are investing in mindfulness training, and promoting the practice of mindfulness. Our CPA firm, Kaufman Rossin, recently completed a study with Amishi Jha, PhD, associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami. The study focused on the effects of mindfulness on attention, productivity and stress levels. Human Resources Director Joy Batteen tells me, “The mindfulness training gave our professionals the tools to pay better attention and increase awareness. Participants found they experienced less stress during our real crunch time, and felt the benefits in their focus and productivity.”
You know how to breathe, don’t you?
I use breathing techniques to remain calm, and so can you.
In my yoga practice, I have learned the importance of prana, the breath that is our vital life force. Controlling our breathing, a practice called pranayama, is used during the traditional asana practice, the physical postures of yoga. That breath control helps open tight areas of the body, stretch further into new postures, and focus the mind in the moment. Off the yoga mat, I use pranayama all the time – to help me fall asleep, for example.
Kate Holcombe writes, in Yoga Journal: “One of the primary reasons that pranayama techniques that foster a long, smooth exhale … are so beneficial is because, when practiced correctly, they can support the parasympathetic nervous system and activate what is commonly known as the “relaxation response,” reducing stress and its effects on your body and mind. As a result, your resilience in the face of challenge or adversity increases, and your mind becomes more focused and still.”
This isn’t difficult stuff to do, and it’s amazing how much benefit you’ll feel when you try some of these techniques. Here are three I use all the time.
- Use long, deep conscious breathing anytime, to calm the mind and body. Sit tall, either on the floor or in your chair. Close your eyes, keep your mouth closed, and inhale deeply and slowly. Exhale deeply and slowly. Try doing this for one minute, then maybe three or five minutes. There’s a great app timer app called i-Qi Timer that lets you choose a gong sound to end your meditation. You can also use long deep breathing as a pause in a difficult conversation, but I recommend keeping your eyes open.
- Quiet the mind with ujjayi (you-ja-yee) breathing. This is a long, deep loud breath that many people use during asana practice. Some call it Darth Vader breath. When I use ujjayi I can breathe louder than my thoughts, so any anxiety, worry, or even anger dissipates. Sit tall. Keeping your mouth closed, constrict the back of your throat and breathe in deeply through your nose, making a snoring sound in your throat. Keep our mouth closed and exhale. Breathe in and out, long deep breaths, making the Darth Vader sound. Make it loud enough to drown out the voices in your head. Keep going for ten rounds.
- Try segmented breathing to manage your moods. Keeping your mouth closed, breathe in for four counts. Hold the breath in for four counts. Then exhale for four counts. Continue the sequence ten times or more. This specific pattern – four counts in, four counts out – is said to give clarity and alertness. If you’re looking for energizing and uplifting, try four counts in, one count out.
Stress isn’t useful, unless a buffalo is chasing you. And it doesn’t come from the outside. It’s your reaction to your environment. Choose to react calmly.
Janet Kyle Altman leads the marketing team at Kaufman Rossin, one of the top CPA firms in the country, and is Vice Chair of The Women’s Fund of Miami-Dade. She practices yoga and leadership daily in Miami. You can reach Janet at jaltman@kaufmanrossin.com.
Signs That You Are Toxic
June 17, 2015
Inevitably there will be times in our lives when we will be toxic. In fact, it’s probably no coincidence that as I write this blog, I, in fact, am toxic. You see, we are human, and during our very human moments we do things like eat too much pizza (because it’s quick and cheap!), speak on our cell phones too much, or expose ourselves to too many chemicals, like household cleaning products. Because I’ve been on this “learning path” for a while now, I’m pretty aware of when things are not working for me. My body screams at me like it’s been doing for the past two weeks. Not a fun time! After quite a healthy run, I’ve been experiencing severe digestive issues, sinus headaches, increased allergies, and painful back aches. YIKES! Right now, I’m TOXIC, and I’m slowly making those shifts I need in order to get back to my optimal state.
Do you know when you are toxic?
As you may know, I’ve been blogging about the book by James Jordan, Your Health is in Your Hands. We’ve covered becoming your own health detective, the importance of nutrients, and this week, we cover the nasty role that toxins play in our health (or lack of health!). There is such a wealth of information in Jim’s book. I HIGHLY recommend purchasing the e-book ($6.99 on Amazon) so you can get into the granular, amazing information he provides. Oh, and did I mention this is a quick and easy read? No encyclopedia here! It’s a wonderful reference for everyday folks like you and me. What I hope to do in this post is offer a few simple ways to understand what can make us toxic, and a few simple steps you can take.
What’s a Toxin?
Jim defines a toxin as any substance that creates irritating or harmful effects, undermines our health or stresses our biochemistry or organ function. The three primary categories of toxins we get exposed to daily include chemicals, heavy metals and radiation. And, this really caught my attention:
Basic Maxim
Your rate of detoxification must exceed your intake of toxins or you will age faster,
develop chronic illnesses and die prematurely.
This must be understood if you are serious about taking charge of your health.
How do we Detox?
I’ve already highlighted a few of these in my earlier posts, but I’ll list them again, and refer to them as S.H.E.A.D.: SLEEP, HYDRATE, ELIMINATE, ASSIMILATE & DIGEST. Not too complicated, right? Get enough sleep (this was a big one when I blogged about Ariana Huffington’s book, Thrive, last summer), drink about 4 oz of water every 30 minutes, eliminate (I’ll say it like a Mommy…. GO POTTY REGULARLY!), get your nutrients, and support digestion by eating the right foods and getting your nutrients. Here’s a fun fact: We really do need our 8 hours of sleep! Getting our Zzzz’s helps our brains clear away the waste that is responsible for diseases like Alzheimer’s, and other neurological disorders!
How do we lessen the duration and quantity of toxins we are exposed to?
My answer? One small step at a time. We are exposed to thousands upon thousands of chemicals daily. Let’s try not to get overwhelmed by this thought, but make a few SMALL and SMART decisions that are within our control. For example, cleaning products. Part of the reason I am experiencing some of the symptoms I have right now may be due to the fact that I had to fire my cleaning lady! As a result, I am doing lots of heavy lifting around the house and making contact with lots of chemicals. One step I intend to take immediately is to purchase natural cleaning products. Other chemicals we often don’t think of, which can suppresses our immune system, poison our nervous system, and can contribute to health issues like cardiovascular disease, and ADD, include: refined sugar, MSG, sulfites (in wine!), all fake sugars, and BPA from plastic bottles! Keep it simple…use non-refined, organic or natural sweeteners, and use BPA-FREE bottles. You don’t have to stop the wine, but consider buying organic, sulfite-free wine. I do!
Heavy metals are another source of yuckiness! Most heavy metals come in the form of pollution. They, literally, are heavier versions of lead, mercury, arsenic, and many others. These pollutants get into our foods and can be found in our medications, vaccines, antibiotics, and in dental fillings and crowns! I was not aware of the latter until I had my first consult with Jim. I had so many mercury fillings in my teeth, and that’s one of the first things I did—remove all my mercury (amalgam) fillings. And get this…
(According to a study) On average, 81% of the symptoms (many!!) were cured or improved after amalgam removal!!!
Because heavy metals can decrease the normal activity of our enzymes to a mere 5%, the result is our compromised health. One of the common health issues many experience today is called Leaky Gut Syndrome, which causes inflammation (the cause of most illnesses today!), pain, and irritation to the immune and nervous system. Aside from removing our amalgam fillings, a few other simple steps we can take include: doing a heavy metal detox program at least once a year (resources in Jim’s book), take regular clay baths, eat cilantro, chlorella, coconut oil, and medicinal mushrooms, like shiitake! And probably the best simple step….SWEAT (via exercise and sauna), which appears “to be a potential method for elimination of many toxic elements from the human body.”
The last toxin we’ll cover is radiation. One of Jim’s mentors, Michael Coyle, shared with Jim that (non-ionizing) radiation will be the number one environmental factor affecting our health in the 21st Century. Non-ionizing sources of radiation include our cell phones, microwaves, computers, electrical appliances, and more. Excess exposure to these can cause fatigue, headaches, foggy thinking, depression, sleep disturbances, ADD, ADHD, and increased risk of certain types of cancers (brain) for high volume cell phone usage. Now, I’m not any more willing than you (most likely!) to stop using all of my convenient, shiny, productive electronics. But, I can say that I can see the potential affect it is having on me and my son, who now uses a tablet for all his school work. This is the challenge of the future. Some of the simple steps we are taking include: keep our electronics at least one foot away from our bodies (especially during sleep…no phone under your pillow!), limit our microwave use (don’t stare at your food while it cooks!), use our cell speaker phones as often as possible (or a headset), take detox baths often, and get our nutrients (helps to rid us of toxins as I mentioned in my last post).
I hope you’re a bit more enlightened, as I am! What I love about Jim’s book is that although it’s very technical in providing all of the science behind what our bodies do and don’t need and the effects on our bodies (potentially very dangerous over time), the solutions truly are very simple. With a bit of dedication and patience (and lots if intention), we really can be smart detectives and change agents for ourselves and those we love.
Now, go detox, folks!
It’s your life, lead it well!
Namaste,
Mo
In her post below, guest blogger Gladys Diaz addresses women who may be interested in creating greater intimacy in their romantic relationships through embracing their feminine essence, by rockin’ it as successful and independent career women, while at the same time allowing themselves to be loved fully and completely.
First, however, she shares some awesome tips for ANYONE who would like to communicate more effectively to create greater intimacy in any kind of relationship!
Three Steps to Having it ALL in Life and Love!
If there is something I have come to learn as a dating and relationship coach is that there is one fundamental desire held in the heart of each and every human being: The desire to be loved and accepted fully and completely.
In a world where we’re taught that it’s necessary to be independent, self-sufficient, and invincible in order to succeed in our careers and life, in general, it’s also important that we honor our heart’s true desire to love and be loved.
I believe there is nothing more powerful than a woman who embraces her feminine essence and is able to embody both her strength and softness, her power and vulnerability, and what makes her both invincible in her career and simply irresistible in her love life!
Unfortunately, there are some women who believe that they need to choose between having a successful and fulfilling career and being in a loving, intimate relationship.
So what are three steps you can take to ensure that you CAN have it all – the career, the lifestyle, and the love your heart desires?
1. Honor your desire to be in a loving relationship.
It’s time to get real with yourself. Yes, you’re strong, successful, and self-made, and none of that changes when you choose to also be loved, desired, and adored! Acknowledging and honoring your desire to share your life with someone is not a sign of weakness, a declaration that you’re unhappy with your life, or a confession to being helpless or “needy” without a partner in your life. It’s simply embracing the desire to share your life – all of it – the happiness, success, and, yes, the sadness and bumps along the road to success – with someone who will stand by, celebrate, and allow you to lean on him or her from time to time. This doesn’t make you weak. It just makes you human!
2. Allow your partner to care for and provide for you.
If the hair on the back of your head just stood up, relax! I’m not suggesting that you begin to “dumb down,” act helpless, or pretend you’re incapable of taking care of yourself. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and you deserve all of the success and rewards you’ve earned! However, I am inviting you to step into the wonderful pleasure of knowing that even though you can probably do it all on your own, when you’re in a relationship, you don’t have to!
If you’re in a relationship with a man, for example, it’s important to know that, for men there are usually 3 things that are most important when it comes to the woman they love. They need to know they can provide for, protect, and please you. This isn’t about being “macho” or seeing a woman as incompetent or incapable. The need to want to contribute to a woman’s life gives a man a sense of purpose. And that desire doesn’t make him any “needier” than your desire to be loved makes you “needy.” It’s just the way men are wired. So, if the man you’re with wants to pay for the dinner, let him. If he offers to carry your bag, let him. If he says runs to hold the door open for you, let him. And thank him, because feeling appreciated is another one of his top needs!
The point is that part of being in a partnership means allowing the other person to feel as if he or she is able to contribute to and make a difference for you. When you allow someone to do something for you that makes you happy, you are giving that person the gift of knowing that he or she had something to do with the smile on your face!
3. Let your partner see your softer side.
While a woman’s confidence is one of her most attractive attributes (second only to her smile), there is a fine line between being confident and being arrogant. Being confident sends the message that you love and accept who you are. Being arrogant sends the message, “I don’t need anyone… especially you!
Yes, your partner loves knowing that you were able to close the sale, inspire the room of executives to change their minds, and complete the project you’ve been working on for months. Your partner also loves knowing what your hopes and dreams are, what scares you, and how you feel about him or her (especially, the last one).
Being vulnerable can be scary, because you’re trusting someone with your feelings, dreams, and desires. But being vulnerable is necessary for creating love and intimacy in a relationship and the level of intimacy in a relationship is directly related to the amount of vulnerability you bring to it.
Trust that if you’re with a good person (and the signs will be there all along) your partner will not take advantage of your vulnerability. Instead, knowing that you trust him or her with your heart inspires your partner to want to be there for you, to care for you, and to become an even better person. While the person you choose to love may not always be perfect, trust that he or she will do everything to show you how honored they are to love and be loved by you.
Being strong, successful, and powerful is great. As women, we should be proud of the amazing things we are able to accomplish. But a truly successful life means feeling joy and fulfillment in every area – including your love life. And unlike at work, where we have to prove ourselves and earn our place at the top, the beauty of love is that you don’t have to do anything to deserve or earn it. Simply being you – the essence of who you are – is more than enough! So, embrace your feminine essence and allow yourself the joy and infinite pleasure of loving and being loved every day of your life!
Gladys Diaz, co-founder of Heart’s Desire International, is a dating and relationship coach, author, and speaker whose mission it is to empower every woman on the planet to experience loving and being loved every day of her life. She and her twin sister, Michelle Roza (also known as “The Love Twins”) specialize in guiding professional women around the world to have successful and prosperous careers and extraordinary loving relationships by removing the hidden barriers blocking them from experiencing love and intimacy in relationships and learning the skills that empower them to be invincible in the workplace and absolutely irresistible in their love lives!
For more information about Gladys and Heart’s Desire International, please visit http://www.heartsdesireintl.com.
Abuelita was right about the raw egg!
June 10, 2015
- Center your healthy diet around high-quality (Look for: organic, naturally raised, grass fed, free range, wild caught):
- Proteins such as meat, poultry, fish and eggs cooked at low temperatures (225 degrees or below to prevent oxidative damage)
- Organic fruits and veggies (more nutrient-dense and less toxic!)
- Fats such as butter, olive oil, coconut oil and raw nuts and seeds
- Raw, sprouted and cultured foods (like raw eggs, raw honey & sushi!)
- Supplement your diet with a high-quality whole food-based multivitamin and mineral formula
- Take a high-quality pro-biotic daily to support optimal digestion (for nutrient absorption!)
- Dehydration is a very common deficiency! Drink half your body weight in oz of water daily. View our 2014 guest blog about this here.
- Assess (through testing or symptoms) any nutrient deficiency which may be contributing to your health issues, and supplement those deficiencies through the above.
Illumined Life Leadership 