In her post below, guest blogger Gladys Diaz addresses women who may be interested in creating greater intimacy in their romantic relationships through embracing their feminine essence, by rockin’ it as successful and independent career women, while at the same time allowing themselves to be loved fully and completely.
First, however, she shares some awesome tips for ANYONE who would like to communicate more effectively to create greater intimacy in any kind of relationship!
Three Steps to Having it ALL in Life and Love!
If there is something I have come to learn as a dating and relationship coach is that there is one fundamental desire held in the heart of each and every human being: The desire to be loved and accepted fully and completely.
In a world where we’re taught that it’s necessary to be independent, self-sufficient, and invincible in order to succeed in our careers and life, in general, it’s also important that we honor our heart’s true desire to love and be loved.
I believe there is nothing more powerful than a woman who embraces her feminine essence and is able to embody both her strength and softness, her power and vulnerability, and what makes her both invincible in her career and simply irresistible in her love life!
Unfortunately, there are some women who believe that they need to choose between having a successful and fulfilling career and being in a loving, intimate relationship.
So what are three steps you can take to ensure that you CAN have it all – the career, the lifestyle, and the love your heart desires?
1. Honor your desire to be in a loving relationship.
It’s time to get real with yourself. Yes, you’re strong, successful, and self-made, and none of that changes when you choose to also be loved, desired, and adored! Acknowledging and honoring your desire to share your life with someone is not a sign of weakness, a declaration that you’re unhappy with your life, or a confession to being helpless or “needy” without a partner in your life. It’s simply embracing the desire to share your life – all of it – the happiness, success, and, yes, the sadness and bumps along the road to success – with someone who will stand by, celebrate, and allow you to lean on him or her from time to time. This doesn’t make you weak. It just makes you human!
2. Allow your partner to care for and provide for you.
If the hair on the back of your head just stood up, relax! I’m not suggesting that you begin to “dumb down,” act helpless, or pretend you’re incapable of taking care of yourself. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and you deserve all of the success and rewards you’ve earned! However, I am inviting you to step into the wonderful pleasure of knowing that even though you can probably do it all on your own, when you’re in a relationship, you don’t have to!
If you’re in a relationship with a man, for example, it’s important to know that, for men there are usually 3 things that are most important when it comes to the woman they love. They need to know they can provide for, protect, and please you. This isn’t about being “macho” or seeing a woman as incompetent or incapable. The need to want to contribute to a woman’s life gives a man a sense of purpose. And that desire doesn’t make him any “needier” than your desire to be loved makes you “needy.” It’s just the way men are wired. So, if the man you’re with wants to pay for the dinner, let him. If he offers to carry your bag, let him. If he says runs to hold the door open for you, let him. And thank him, because feeling appreciated is another one of his top needs!
The point is that part of being in a partnership means allowing the other person to feel as if he or she is able to contribute to and make a difference for you. When you allow someone to do something for you that makes you happy, you are giving that person the gift of knowing that he or she had something to do with the smile on your face!
3. Let your partner see your softer side.
While a woman’s confidence is one of her most attractive attributes (second only to her smile), there is a fine line between being confident and being arrogant. Being confident sends the message that you love and accept who you are. Being arrogant sends the message, “I don’t need anyone… especially you!
Yes, your partner loves knowing that you were able to close the sale, inspire the room of executives to change their minds, and complete the project you’ve been working on for months. Your partner also loves knowing what your hopes and dreams are, what scares you, and how you feel about him or her (especially, the last one).
Being vulnerable can be scary, because you’re trusting someone with your feelings, dreams, and desires. But being vulnerable is necessary for creating love and intimacy in a relationship and the level of intimacy in a relationship is directly related to the amount of vulnerability you bring to it.
Trust that if you’re with a good person (and the signs will be there all along) your partner will not take advantage of your vulnerability. Instead, knowing that you trust him or her with your heart inspires your partner to want to be there for you, to care for you, and to become an even better person. While the person you choose to love may not always be perfect, trust that he or she will do everything to show you how honored they are to love and be loved by you.
Being strong, successful, and powerful is great. As women, we should be proud of the amazing things we are able to accomplish. But a truly successful life means feeling joy and fulfillment in every area – including your love life. And unlike at work, where we have to prove ourselves and earn our place at the top, the beauty of love is that you don’t have to do anything to deserve or earn it. Simply being you – the essence of who you are – is more than enough! So, embrace your feminine essence and allow yourself the joy and infinite pleasure of loving and being loved every day of your life!
Gladys Diaz, co-founder of Heart’s Desire International, is a dating and relationship coach, author, and speaker whose mission it is to empower every woman on the planet to experience loving and being loved every day of her life. She and her twin sister, Michelle Roza (also known as “The Love Twins”) specialize in guiding professional women around the world to have successful and prosperous careers and extraordinary loving relationships by removing the hidden barriers blocking them from experiencing love and intimacy in relationships and learning the skills that empower them to be invincible in the workplace and absolutely irresistible in their love lives!
For more information about Gladys and Heart’s Desire International, please visit http://www.heartsdesireintl.com.
Change S_ cks!
September 6, 2011
Change is good. Change happens. Expect change. Yada, yada, yada!!
Change sucks!!!
There, I said it, so you wouldn’t have to. However, I would encourage you to say it just as passionately. It’s freeing! In fact, acknowledging change as “not always so great”, is probably the best first step to leaning into it and feeling more comfortable with it.
We talk about change all the time, yet when we need to make a critical change in our lives, it doesn’t feel good, or easy. Nor is it always obvious. Sometimes, the need to create change hits us like a tornado– completely unexpected. Most change happens around us daily, forcing us to shift ever so slightly or change our perspective in order to “deal” and keep living. But, when change effects us directly, it’s down-right difficult, and sometimes very painful. Change is hard. And as we all know from past experiences, anything that causes us to grow is hard.
There are different types of change, and even the change that makes us tingle (the really good, exciting kind), causes us to connect to a place deep within that allows us to say good-bye to something or someone. Sometimes it is with a part of us (i.e., habit, career, relationship) that doesn’t serve us any longer. That departure can be bittersweet…both sad and exhilarating. With change we always expand, even if we don’t sense it.
We can deconstruct change for hours, as there are many kinds–both good and bad. But, since the average person has a negative view of change, or simply feels uncomfortable enough to describe it negatively, I’m choosing to focus on the kind that truly tests us. It’s the monster that consistently shows its ugly head and laughs at us. Get me? The one that tells us “you’re never ready,” “you’re not strong,” “you’re not worth it,” “you’re comfortable”. Let’s be clear about something…the monster sucks, not us! We can quiet that monster through our choices, however.
Some of the signals that show up time and again to advise us it may be time to make a change include sadness or depression, a feeling of not having any passion or purpose, frustration or anger, lack of energy or motivation, and/or exchanges with others that are not fulfilling, or creating happiness in our lives.
Here’s the thing, too…most of the time we know deep down the change must come, but we don’t want to face it. We agree with the ugly monster instead of feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
What is the worst change can bring us which we are already handling and experiencing?
How much longer are we willing to live without that foundation of joy, happiness and positive growth (if that’s the case)?
Here’s the next important thing…we always have a choice. We are making choices all the time. But, are we making them consciously?
We have a few choices to make when it comes to change. As long as we are consciously choosing one of them we are owning our decision. When we do this we are not powerless.
Our choices as I see them…
1. Choose to continue with things as they are. Here, we decide we are not ready to take any steps toward change. Tip: own your decision to do nothing and don’t feel badly about it. It’s okay sometimes to do nothing. There is still power in this decision. Here, we can keep our eyes and hearts in the moment and try to be open to new things; more positive things presenting themselves to us.
2. Choose to take small, calculated risks. Here, we are choosing to live higher up on the “shift” readiness scale. Tip: each week decide what small step you can take toward making the change happen. Don’t allow fear to get the best of you. Celebrate your successes; forgive the set-backs.
3. Choose to go all out. This is Internal Armageddon! Here, we decide to become that person the monster fears. We look in the mirror and say, “Today I choose to own my power fully, take that bold step forward and deal with the consequences!” To be clear…this doesn’t necessarily mean we are making a huge change. It can be a very small one that has been extremely difficult to make. Change is different for each of us. Tip: write down what you expect to happen and be ready for the unexpected. What scenarios have you not thought of? Draft a pact with yourself; date it, sign it, and stand by it!
Change is hard. Yes, it is. But, no matter what your choice, you can grow within your decision by continuing to be conscious about it. When the path is difficult we can journal, or have a conversation with a trusted friend, family member, therapist or coach. Even your pet can fill these shoes!
Change sucks…sometimes.
Here’s what I know for sure…living and choosing consciously softens the blow that is change and quiets that ugly monster within us.
As always, may you enjoy purpose in the process. 🙂
Namaste,
Monique
The Dance of Relationships
April 11, 2011
Recently, I was asked to say a few words of inspiration at a wedding. I really enjoyed putting words to paper for this special occasion, and it seems as though my words did inspire a few to look at their relationships in a new way.
So, for my April blog, I thought I would share them with my greater audience, and hopefully, keep the dance moving for a bit longer.
Enjoy….
Each time I attend a wedding I can’t help but to be overcome with feelings of love and joy. And in particular, I get to thinking of the magic of relationships. Without the relationship we have with the Divine and the relationship we have with our parents, we would not even exist. That, in-and-of itself is magical.
I also think of my own marriage of almost 15 years and what the priest said to us that still to this day has been one of the keys to our amazing relationship… He said, “Don’t compete; complete!”
This is a transformational action, a way of living, and it can be applied to ALL of our relationships.
Just imagine how our relationships and interactions, whether personal or professional, could improve if we entered into them with this intention; one that builds and unites, instead of one that separates and breaks down.
Don’t compete, complete.
So, how do we go about completing each other? Well, therein lies the adventure. The dance of life and relationships. For in each moment we have the opportunity to grasp some fulfillment, joyfully, while allowing others to do the same. We can ebb and flow, giving and receiving, leading and following, like two tango dancers.
So let’s dance in life. Let’s dance enthusiastically!
As one of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle, tells us,
“Enthusiasm comes from a Greek word that means to be possessed by a God. With enthusiasm you will find that you don’t have to do it all by yourself, in fact, there is nothing of significance you can do by yourself.”
So, in closing, poet, Rumi, helps me wrap this up nicely by questioning,
Does a drop stay still in the ocean?
Move with the entirety,
And with the tiniest particular.
Be the moisture in an oyster
That helps to form one pearl.
May your relationships be the best dances of your life!
Namaste,
Monique
Illumined Life Leadership 