10 Tips to Start Your Day Right!
December 9, 2014
Just a few days ago I had one of those mornings! I felt the seconds flying past me, and the clock mocking me. I couldn’t seem to advance no matter how speedy I was! It also felt like everyone was pushing my buttons! There’s no other way to say it other than, I was in a sh!$ty mood! Been there?
I know that it’s impossible not to have days like these every now and then, but having one recently reminded me just how important it is to prepare for a great morning! I’d like to believe that I am extremely conscious of my thoughts and reactions, and so I did quite a bit of reflecting during that day to pin point what went wrong and how I could make sure to avoid it happening again (or anytime soon!).
See, as leaders, we can’t just go to work and ignore the world (or scream at it!). We are always affecting something or someone. As leaders we always have our vision in sight, and every moment we set a course toward that vision. More importantly, we hopefully are inspiring others to join us on this moment-to-moment trek to accomplish great things. See, as leaders, we can’t afford to have bad mornings.
In reflecting, here’s what set me off:
• I didn’t sleep well and I woke up too early.
• Figuring out breakfast for the family was challenging.
• I couldn’t decide what to wear.
• My family’s humor just didn’t jive with me that morning!
Now, would you agree with me that these things are little things? Yes! But what happens when a lot of little things add up? In my case it was just enough to throw me off into an emotional storm that lasted more than I wanted. I think about those individuals who experience the onslaught of many little things each day and don’t reflect; don’t understand why they are feeling as they are; don’t see how easy it can be to shift it, and never take action for change. For busy leaders, it’s crucial to plan for success and have systems and habits that support our wellbeing. On this morning, my being was not well, LOL!
As Oprah would say, here’s what I know for sure! These are the systems/habits that can help me (and I suspect you too, if your mornings can be a little crazy) ensure that I start out my days happy and effective:
1. Go to bed at a reasonable time to ensure you get at least 7 hours of sleep.
2. Prepare for bedtime with a ritual, like a warm bath and cup of tea, or relaxing music, or reading or yoga.
3. Make sure your fridge and pantry are stocked for the week so you don’t have to figure out how to feed yourself and your army!
4. If you’ve got kiddos, like I do, make those school lunches the night before and set out their clothes.
5. Set out your own clothes! Look at what your day will be like, know how you want to look and feel, pick your outfit, and steam/iron it.
6. Set your Mind! Mindset is EVERYTHING. Have one or a few mantras on hand that allow you to set your mood. A good one I could have used that morning—“I laugh at myself & it feels good!”
7. Turn off the TV and play music instead! The power of music to shift our mood is real! TV chatter and the increasing amount of bad news being broadcasted can overwhelm us. It becomes noise we don’t need.
8. Forgive yourself. Sometimes, no matter how much we plan, things just don’t go as planned. Shake it off and don’t make it personal. Peace over Perfection! (Isn’t this a great mantra??!!)
9. Shift to love and gratitude. When we sweat the small stuff, as I did that morning, I picture myself stopping for a few seconds, looking at my family, my home, everything in front of me, and saying “Thank you! I love these people and these things! I’m so blessed!” Focusing on what’s real melts away the self-pity, anger and stress.
10. Breathe. Find just a few moments before heading out your door to take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed, smiling. It’s a re-calibration and a moment to just BE before we launch for the day!
I know these work for me, when I work them!
What helps you start off your day successfully and positively? Please share your ideas below.
Here’s to great mornings!
It’s your life. Lead it well.
Monique
SUMMER OF WELL-BEING WEEK 3
This week our well-being expert is Lina Acosta Sandaal teaching us about Emotional Intelligence. Read her blog below to learn what emotional intelligence is, how to achieve it, and some great ways on how to increase your emotional intelligence day by day!
We all experience positive and negative feelings. Most of us want to protect ourselves from negative experiences and avoid negative emotions. However, every time we tell ourselves that our negative emotion is intolerable, we rob ourselves of an opportunity to develop emotional intelligence and a way of walking through our emotions into taking intentional decisions. Most importantly, neurologists know that we best engage, learn, and make meaningful decisions when we are in a receptive state. A receptive state is when someone feels seen, soothed, secure, and safe. The alternative is a reactive state where we are constantly looking for danger and reacting by fighting, running away or freezing. If we work on our emotional intelligence, we move towards being in a receptive state more times than not. Ask yourself these two questions:
WHAT EMOTIONS DO YOU GUARD YOURSELF FROM FEELING? WHY?
WHAT EMOTION DO YOU TRY TO AVOID FROM FEELING? WHY?
Take the answers to these questions and the next time you feel them, go through the process that I will walk you through next. If you practice handling these emotions with emotional intelligence you will no longer need to “react” to the feeling, and will become more “receptive” to the information these feelings give you.
Emotional Intelligence is being able to:
- •Feel an Emotion
- •Tolerate Emotion
- •Recuperate from Emotion
This is learned by:
- •Naming and labeling emotion
- •Physically experiencing emotion
- •Seeing and empathizing with others (REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT)
Tools to Build and Increase your Emotional Intelligence
FIRST – FEEL THE EMOTION:
- Label the feeling. (“I am scared of this new job hunt. I am embarrassed what my friends will think.”)
- Pause (try 90 seconds) and remind yourself that this emotion is transient and not permanent and no action needs to be taken while experiencing/labeling the feeling.
“It takes less than 90 seconds for an emotion to get triggered, surge chemically through the blood stream, then get flushed out…..anything beyond that is of your own choosing.” —Jill Bolte Taylor (http://www.ted.com/talks/view/lang/en//id/229)
SECOND- TOLERATE EMOTION:
- Narrate to yourself what is happening:
- Describe the feelings in your body.
- Wonder what the feeling reminds you of.
- Check in with expectations or “shoulds” that may be helping you to feel this particular emotion.
- Walk yourself through what happened right before you started feeling this way and how you have walked yourself out of this feeling before.
- Make a choice to breathe, move (i.e. walk, jump or simply pump your fists) or embrace yourself until you feel the emotion begin to pass (placing one hand over you heart and another over your stomach while breathing soothes most people.)
THIRD-RECUPERATE FROM EMOTION:
In the moment:
- Continue to tell the story of “the FEELING event” – this time observe yourself and tell yourself, as if you were a lawyer, the facts of the event.
- Reinforce how you were able to calm down – tell yourself several times what you did to calm down.
Day to Day
- Learn to breathe and calm down, most of us hold our breath more often than we think. Just one deep breath will reboot our neurology. (i.e. Yoga, meditation, Simply Being app)
- Journal or get used to speaking regularly to a close friend/partner about your emotional state allowing yourself time to process and understand your emotions.
- If you find that when you ask yourself “what does this feeling remind me of?” you remember past hurts, you may want to work with someone who can help you understand and know your history and how you make sense of your own emotions as it is influenced by your past history (eg. therapists, personal coach, clergy)
“Anyone can become angry-that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not easy.” —Aristotle
Wisdom: The Road Less Traveled to Well-Being
June 16, 2014
Welcome to Week 3 of Summer of Well-Being! If you’ve been following our last few blogs, you know that I’m reading and writing about Arianna Huffington’s new book Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-being, Wisdom, and Wonder.
Each week we also have been featuring a guest expert to share a tip on improving your well-being. If you missed those, make sure to check out Mary Trontz’ blog about Strengthening your Core, and Davis Mitchell’s vlog about Hydration.
This Thursday you’ll hear from Lina Acosta Sandaal about Emotional Well-Being. So much of what I teach through my courses and coaching has emotional intelligence at its core. You simply cannot lead your life well or lead others successfully and meaningfully without having or acquiring this skill through practice. It’s one of the most difficult skills to master, because you have to be aware and in tune almost all the time. Lina teaches us a great way to practice this skill!
Last week we discussed the importance of Wonder for our wellness. I promised I’d report back on all the wonder I discovered on my vacation, and my promise to myself that I would not head to the office first thing on Monday with so much stress that my vacation would have been pointless!
Well, the vacation did not come without stress. My daughter ended up in one of the Bahamas’ medical centers, day 1, with what we thought was an eye infection. And, on day 4, she slammed into the pool wall, injuring her chin! Luckily, she is healing nicely and had lots of love and support during both incidents. I have to say that I kept it together and focused on all the positives, which were many! Being intentional about how I wanted to feel during and after my vacation really helped! In fact, I’d love to share with you my video below of the two dolphins—Exhuma and Robella, who were the cause of much WONDER and joy during our trip! We actually got to swim and play with them in the open ocean and experience their beauty and brilliance. And, it is my first morning back to work and I’m feeling great! A bit tired, but staying focused on getting things done with a Caribbean state of mind.
Wisdom and Success
This week, I’d like to focus on the importance of Wisdom on our journey toward well being. In Thrive, Arianna Huffington describes it in this way:
“Wisdom frees us from the narrow reality we’re trapped in—a reality consumed by the first two metrics of success, money and power, long after they have ceased to fulfill us. Indeed, we continue to pull the levers not only after their diminishing returns have been exhausted, but even after it’s clear they’re actually causing us harm in terms of our health, our peace of mind, and our relationships. Wisdom is about recognizing what we’re really seeking: connection and love. But in order to find them, we need to drop our relentless pursuit of success as society defines it for something for genuine, more meaningful, and more fulfilling.”
When I read this I naturally want to question, “What is success, then, and how do we redefine it, understanding that the majority of our waking hours are spent trying to achieve ‘it’?” Maybe you have struggled with this question as well? In reading one of my favorite blogs—Sources of Insight, Zig Ziglar’s definition of success is:
“…closing the door on your office at the end of the day knowing that you did a good job and knowing that those that interacted with you had a positive experience.”
“…looking forward to getting home and seeing the people you love.”
“…turning out the lights and saying to yourself it just doesn’t get much better than this.”
When I read this definition I get excited! Yes, success should be measured (daily) by how we affect other’s lives positively, connecting with and loving others, being purpose-driven in all that we do, and being grateful. You with me?!!! All of these concepts are found in Thrive.
Wisdom and Time
In Thrive, Arianna refers to the epidemic of “time famine” and how it sucks the wonder and wisdom out of our lives. She shares,
“In order to manage our time—or what we delude ourselves into thinking of as managing time—we rigidly schedule ourselves, rushing from meeting to meeting, event to event, constantly trying to save a bit of time here, a bit there. We fear that if we don’t cram as much as possible into our day, we might miss out on something fabulous, important, special, or career advancing. But there are no rollover minutes in life. We don’t get to keep all that time we ‘saved’. It’s actually a very costly way to live.”
How can “time famine” affect our well-being? A study led by Lijing L. Yan at Northwestern University found that young adults exhibiting time urgency and impatience had a higher risk of developing hypertension and weight gain. No surprise here! If this study measures young adults, can you imagine how adults who live unconsciously this way year after year are affected over time?
Wisdom and Habits
So much of wisdom is tuning into our minds, our hearts and our intuition. How can we put ourselves on a path to well-being if we are not aware of what is working and what is not working in our lives? In the book, Arianna shares what poet Mark Nepo says about this understanding:
“(Sacrifice is) giving up with reverence and compassion what no longer works in order to stay close to what is sacred.” Arianna adds, “So recognizing when habits are no longer working for us and sacrificing them is a cornerstone of wisdom.”
I also appreciate what Arianna shares about “Keystone Habits” from Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit:
“Reprogramming the autopilot (in each of us) takes different amounts of time. What makes it easier is focusing on ‘keystone habits’; when you change one of them, it makes changing other habits easier. (This) starts a process that, over time, transforms everything. Keystone habits say that success doesn’t depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into powerful levers.”
Arianna’s keystone habit was and continues to be sleep. By getting more sleep regularly she is able to more easily create other new well-being habits, such as meditation and exercise.
Finding Your Thread
In closing, I love a Greek Mythology story that Arianna shares about Ariadne (also Arianna’s given name), in which Theseus could be saved and free to return to Athens only if he entered the labyrinth and slew the Minotaur (monster, or our old habits!). All who had gone before him had perished, but Theseus, guided by the thread Ariadne had given him (what guides us back to our center; our core sacred being), was able to make his way into the labyrinth and come out of it alive and victorious. What a great analogy, huh?
So, here’s my challenge to you this week:
- What is your Keystone Habit? That one thing that you can do that will be the foundation for your path to well-being?
- Create one small action step to begin creating that Keystone Habit.
- Take a piece of thread that will remind you of your step and tie it around your wrist as a reminder.
Here’s a picture of mine! My Keystone Habit is movement! I’ve noticed the difference in every aspect of my life (especially how I sleep!) when I move—whether it’s yoga, walking, biking, dancing, etc. My step is to do a minimum of 20 minutes a day.
Please share what your Keystone Habit is below, and I’d love for you to share a picture of your Thread! Thanks for tuning in today. “-)
It’s your life. Lead it well.
Monique
Photo courtesy of Neerav Bhatt
Faith, Trust, & Getting to Zero.
July 6, 2010
“With whatever spontaneous action arises out of presence, an intelligence is then at work in the situation. Whatever the situation, that intelligence is far greater than the intelligence of the thinking mind.” – Eckhart Tolle
At our work retreat this year, our team used the StrengthsFinder book and assessment. I always enjoy the reaction of those who use if for the first time. In this instance, I have to say that each person seemed to have felt validated for “who they are” and “what they bring” to the table. It was wonderful to hear everyone speak about their strengths and identify ways they can best use them to be “en pointe” more of the time.
For me the experience was the same. I too felt validated when I saw Learner, Maximizer, and Positivity among my top strengths. And, in preparing for this next blog, they came through loud and clear.
Today, I am writing about a spiritual (not religious) tool that is used widely in Hawaii (and now all over the world!). I enjoy reading about practices and principles and that are employed to help us be at our best. Doing so brings out both the “learner” and “maximizer” in me and keeps me in a “positive” state of mind.
I enjoy trying new techniques for spiritual awakening, stress reduction and general betterment. I don’t necessarily keep them all as “my practices,” but I enjoy learning about them, trying them out, and sharing them with all of you.
Just as I am sharing a new tool with you today, I’m sure you can share with me what works for you. Perhaps like this one, it requires a lot of faith and trust. Let’s go there now.
… … …
When you think of the word ZERO, what comes to mind? My first thought is “nothing,” or “lacking.” Think about it…we live in a world where having very little or not doing/being “enough” is not acceptable. In the corporate world, if our load is not large enough, then we are “unproductive.” And in our personal lives, if every minute is not occupied, then we are not “super” enough. No wonder we are exhausted, question our passion, and constantly seek our purpose! The more I read about the power of zero, as described in Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More, by Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len, Ph.D., my definition of zero is forever changed. Now, for me, Zero = Limitless.
Zero Limits speaks about a way of being…a way of life based on a spiritual principle and technique born in Hawaii, called Ho’oponopono. As with many (or all) universal principles, applying them requires a lot of faith and trust in the unknown. We don’t always understand why some things happen or work the way they do, but we see miracles happen every day. Ho’oponopono is a miracle-creating process that is turning heads and changing lives.
Ho’oponopono is defined as the Law of Least Effort, and a simplified version of the practice utilized by Dr. Hew Len has taken the world by storm. Why? Here’s where faith and trust come into play BIG TIME. Dr. Len was hired to work in a mental institution where the most dangerous and ill individuals were housed (in Hawaii). Staff didn’t last, and the patients were regarded as “lost causes.” They were locked up all day, in dark rooms, in shackles, with no rehabilitation in sight. So how is it possible that without even meeting with the patients, Dr. Len was able to heal the majority of them? In fact, all but two of the patients were released and the ward was closed. He did it with Ho’oponopono.
The spreading of this miraculous story is what launched Joe Vitale on his search to find Dr. Hew Len and (together) write this book, thus expanding Ho’oponopono’s reach and benefits for all.
Here’s what Dr. Len had to say about his work in the hospital:
“When I worked at the mental hospital and would look at the patients’ charts, I would feel pain inside me. This was a shared memory. It was a program that caused the patients to act the way they did. They had no control. They were caught up in a program. As I felt the program, I cleaned.”
What he refers to as “cleaning” or “erasing” is the process of using Self I-Dentity Ho’oponopono to “clean” this programming (memories/habits) which prevents us from being in our zero state where we receive inspiration; where we are tapped into the Divine.
What ZERO really is.
“The Divine is our zero state—it’s where we have zero limits. No memories. No identity. Nothing but the Divine. In our lives we have moments of visiting the zero limits state, but most of the time we have garbage…memories playing out.”
How do you do Self I-Dentity Ho’oponopono?
There are simply four statements that you quietly repeat over and over, nonstop, addressing them to the Divine.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
The order doesn’t matter, and according to the book, just saying “I love you” (addressed always to the Divine) is just as powerful and “erases” just as well.
So, you may be wondering why you are apologizing to the Divine and asking for forgiveness? One of the questions I kept asking when reading about this process is, “Why should I apologize for something someone else is doing or saying, just because it’s in my presence?” Here’s the kicker (more trust is needed here, folks!); the explanation:
“Dr. Hew Len explained that everything you seek and everything you experience—everything—is inside you. If you want to change anything, you do it inside, not outside. The whole idea is total responsibility. There’s no one to blame. It’s all you.”
When do we use Ho’oponopono?
All the time. Hmmm. Really? Let’s dig deeper. If we were to journal all of the thoughts and feelings that we experienced every day (those that our conscious mind allows us to capture), I bet we could fill an entire book (and that’s not including our subconscious ones!). Many of these thoughts and feelings cause us stress, and move us to doubt our abilities, strengths and talents. We also are filled daily with thoughts of judgment, anger, spite, jealously, blame, etc. Imagine how much inspiration we could access if we could simply erase this negative content? Well, according to Zero Limits, we can.
Zero Limits tells us:
“For Self I-Dentity to be moment to moment requires incessant Ho’oponopono. Like memories, incessant Ho’oponopono can never go on vacation…The Conscious Mind can initiate the Ho’oponopono process to release memories or it can engage them with blame and thinking.”
This negative content is akin to static on the radio, a lost connection with the source. With this tool; this way of living, we can take full responsibility for every thought, emotion and action that shows up in our lives; accepting them and cleaning on them, and truly “Let go, and let God” (or Spirit, Divine, Universe, etc.).
I can see how Joe Vitale’s life changed in so many ways through his meeting Dr. Hew Len and bringing this story to the world. I’ll speak more to Joe’s transformation in my next post about Zero Limits. And, because I know how difficult it may be to fully comprehend what I am blogging about here, today, I plan to post additional brief snippets from the book that we can reflect upon daily for a bit.
By the way, if this post is making you feel uncomfortable in any way, this is a perfect opportunity to clean using Self I-Dentity Ho’oponopono. If you are reading it, then it is in your reality, and you are responsible for it in some way. Yes, hard to swallow.
In closing, this sums up how it feels to be at zero:
“You can feel this in your life: events will take on a perfect momentum, a glorious cadence. You can feel it in your body…You can feel it in your spirit. You will enter a state of such perfect grace that you will resound over the landscape of reality like ephemeral bird song.” – Deng Ming-Dao’s 365 Tao: Daily Meditations
Faithfully trusting and moving toward Zero,
Monique
My Relaxed Book Club will discuss selections from books I feel help high-achieving professionals continue to develop themselves and work on their personal leadership leading to more fulfilled, balanced and successful lives and careers.
Are you there, God? It’s me, Sybil.
March 14, 2010
As a child I remember watching the movie, Sybil. My heart hurt for her and everything she endured because of her illness. While watching, I remember wondering, “Who is the real Sybil.” I wanted her to experience that desperately as well.
You and I may not be Sybil and experience multiple personalities, but don’t you sometimes feel like there is more than one of you? Don’t you catch yourself looking up to the sky sometimes and asking for help? You may find yourself saying, “Who the hell am I?” “Why does one voice tell me go and the other stop?” “Why am I happy today and pissed tomorrow?” Yes…we’ve all been there.
Well, if you read my last blog about Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?, you know that you kinda do have two of you in there somewhere. In fact, according to Godin,
“There are two almond-shaped bits in everyone’s brain. Scientists call these amygdale, and this mini-brain apparently takes over whenever you are angry, afraid, aroused, hungry, or in search of revenge. It’s only recently that our brains evolved to allow big thoughts, generosity, speech, consciousness, and yes, art…The new part is the neocortex…In the face of screaming resistance from the amygdale, the rest of the brain is helpless. It freezes and surrenders. The lizard takes over and tries to protect itself…So the two parts duke it out. And, when put on alert, the lizard brain wins, every time, unless you’ve established new habits and better patterns—patterns that keep the lizard at bay.”
See, you’re not crazy! You can take a deep breath now. But, you may be asking, how do we go from “we” to “I”? “How do I quiet that lizard voice in my head?”
Well, I’m about half-way through the book and Godin is already sharing a few tips for getting back more of your power; your true voice. He alluded to it above by suggesting we must create “new habits and better patterns.” Here are four tough ones to create. Get ready to work hard!:
• Seek out discomfort. In fact, we must go out of our way to be uncomfortable. (Are you beginning to sweat already?) Godin says: “Ironically, it’s those who seek out discomfort that are able to make a difference and find their footing.”
• Forget Plan B. Remember that safe, plan b we’ve always created? Come on, you know what I’m talking about! Godin believes: “You’ve probably guessed what happens when you have a great backup plan: You end up settling for the backup. As soon as you say, ‘I’ll try my best,’ instead of ‘I will,’ you’ve opened the door for the lizard.”
• Look for the bad ideas. Seriously? “Yes,” says Godin. “Finding good ideas is surprisingly easy once you deal with the problem of finding the bad ideas. Every creative person I know generates a slew of laughable ideas for every good one.”
• Listen and do it anyway. Listen to the lizard (it will always talk to you!), and do it anyway! Read that book, push forward with that new idea, say what’s on your mind, etc. Godin shares, “The lizard hates it when you read books like this one.”
When what you are doing is isn’t working, do things differently, right? Let’s give it a shot, folks. Simply thinking of attempting to do the four steps listed above stirs up quite a bit of “uncomfortable(ness)” for me. I’m sure the same is true for you, because our “Sybil” (lizard brain) is at play. Feel the fear? I think, then, that working on step 1 is key—feeling uncomfortable. I’m up for it, are you?
Let me close by discussing confidence as Godin does as well. It takes confidence to even attempt to be successful at creating the above new habits. So, how do you build confidence? A little bit at a time. And, as you achieve small successes, you’ll begin to bring increased confidence with you to your new habits and actions, raising your feelings of success.
Finally, you can increase your confidence by “pumping yourself up”. There are so many ways to do this, but one I find truly enjoyable is reading The Optimists Creed. Here is an enjoyable version.
Tell that lizard that your eternal optimist is alive, kicking, and ready for a tough match!
Have an inspired week!
Monique
My Relaxed Book Club will discuss selections from books I feel help high-achieving professionals continue to develop themselves and work on their personal leadership leading to more fulfilled, balanced and successful lives and careers.
Illumined Life Leadership 