I can almost recite by memory those times I pushed so hard to make something happen, but it didn’t. No matter how much energy, positive self-talk, preparation, or confidence I backed it up with, it just wasn’t “meant to be,” I told myself. Been there? I bet you have! So, the question, then, for most high-achievers is:
“But, if I don’t try hard, how will I accomplish?”
It’s a good question. But, if you look deep past the question, you’ll notice that it is based in a myth that has been passed down from generation to generation which has us believe:
The only way you will be successful is if you die trying!
Don’t fool yourself any longer. In fact, you’ll experience a longer, healthier, happier and more successful life if you begin training yourself to believe otherwise.
Now, I’m not saying not to try, and not to work hard. Please do. But don’t do it blindly. Consider this:
The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.
Translation:
I am a flower; success is the bee. I don’t need to chase it. In fact, if I do, it may sting me!
When I bloom, authentically, where I am planted, success will find it’s way to me.
Not easy, I know. This translation is based on two principles:
Trust in your authentic self.
Trust in who you were meant to be.
So, if you want to try really hard, I’d love for you to do it in this fashion:
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Know thyself! Have you done what’s in your power (worked hard!) to get to know YOU? Who you are at your core? What makes you unique? What lights you up and makes you jump out of your bed each morning?
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Allow yourself to blossom! Know it. Own it. And, yes, WORK IT slowly each day, and head down that path. The path may shift, or lead you to unexpected places. Keep knowing and understanding and walking toward what feels right and what feels true. And, if every cell in your being tells you that you’re on point, well give it all you’ve got and go for it. Then, I hope you TRY DOUBLY HARD for it!
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Trust and allow. This is the most difficult step, I believe. We can learn and develop and take actions toward our purpose, but when we feel as though we have to push desperately, then fear has come into play and we may get stung! Believe me, when we are off our authentic path we will know it—see it, feel it, hear it. But oftentimes we ignore it.
I remember a time when this was true for me. Many, many years ago I was in a job that I absolutely loved. I was applying the very best of me, helping others, and learning so much at the same time. I was definitely growing and leaning toward what I knew was ME! I wanted more and kept heading in that direction. In fact, I never felt like I was ever trying (a great sign!)
However, as has and will happen to many of us, something gets in the way that we may not have any control over. In fact, asking “Why” is futile, because some things do happen for our highest good and we may never have our answer. At this point, fear crept in, and I desperately began seeking other opportunities elsewhere—ones that did not align with who I was and who I knew in my bones I needed to become. The search threw me off and I became who I thought I “needed to be” just to get out. Needless to say, it did not turn out as I had expected, which led to many painful experiences and rejections which caused me to back track and re-build “me”. Eventually, my internal compass led me back on track, and I began to trust. The rest, as they say, is history.
I love saving others unwanted pain. In fact, I’d love nothing more than to help you confidently walk in the direction that you are meant to go.
Seek it. Align with it. Trust in what is and what it will be. And, bloom, baby, bloom! Bring on those bees and yummy nectar!
Is there a time you can clearly remember when you tried so hard and knew it was futile? I’d love to hear from you.
It’s your life. Lead it well!
Namaste, Monique
What being short taught me!
May 14, 2014
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. —Tao Te Ching
In this hustle and bustle world we live in, we trick ourselves into thinking that we can only achieve success if we are working on and conquering BIG goals. Worst, sometimes we only set these BIG GOALS because we are competing with others to win, or doing what we feel we “should” be doing in order to move up, “make it,” etc.
A classic example every year in January is what? GETTING IN SHAPE! How many times has the new year rolled around to find us all racing to find the newest exercise or diet craze in order to FINALLY get to our ideal weight or body image? It’s a pattern that is hard to break because it may be coming from a place of good intention and some peer pressure, but in the end we are creating a pattern for ourselves of ultimately failing. And when we fail over and over again (in anything) what we are creating is shame. And, why wait until January to start getting in shape, right?
When I was a young girl I kept telling myself that “Good things come in small packages!” I was always (and still am!) the shortest in the group, and it wasn’t always easy. But, through affirmations and slowly building my self-confidence and realizing my value, it never truly became an issue for me. And, the benefit I reap, is my collection of fine stilettos!
In the same, how could this phrase—Good things come in small packages— apply to you and your ability to achieve your goals in a lasting way? The concept of Kaizen tells us that small and steady is much better and more effective. In fact, through Kaizen we learn that the smallest possible step is the best one to begin with. Like “stupid small!” Need more reassurance? Here’s a great article by the creator of Dilbert who feels big goals are stupid!
In my daily practices I am dedicated to the Kaizen way. Not only do I believe in it, but it just feels better! So what does it look like? It can look like this…
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Instead of running for one mile every day (especially if you never run!), try walking a mile first.
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Instead of eating three servings of spinach, or broccoli a day (especially if you hate them!), try drinking 1 green juice a day (pick a green you like and mix it with yummy fruit!).
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Instead of becoming a great communicator over night, start with one nerve-wrecking conversation!
Get me?
What happens over time is that you are able to accomplish these smaller goals more consistently and then build upon them. If you are walking up steps today, in a few days you actually may be able to run up them (as I have noticed for me). If you are able to take down a green drink a day, your body may start craving more greens or other veggies because you feel better. And, when you do better than you think with that one conversation, you’ll find yourself having many more!
I’m not knocking those individuals who may truly benefit from intense goal achievement, or intensity in general. Do what works for you and empowers you to feel successful and sustain your success. If that has not worked for you in the past, give this a shot and see how GREAT things can manifest through SMALL actions. And, mostly, don’t fool yourself in believing that these actions are not impactful. For one small drop can create magnificent waves.
Want to give this a fun, easy try? Here’s a great place to start. K.I.S.S! (Keep It Simple Silly!)
Wishing you a life well led, Monique
Born to be Wild
May 7, 2014
“According to this law [the law of Dharma], you have a unique talent and a unique way of expressing it. There is something that you can do better than anyone else in the whole world — and for every unique talent and unique expression of that talent, there are also unique needs. When these needs are matched with the creative expression of your talent, that is the spark that creates affluence. Expressing your talents to fulfill needs creates unlimited wealth and abundance.” ― Deepak Chopra
Are you born to be wild, or are you born to be quiet and focused?
Do you ever wonder why you make certain choices?
Why you do what you do?
Why you like certain things?
Why you are better at some things than others?
I remember being terrified about some of my MBA courses. I was excited about being challenged to think, explore and debate, but the thought of analyzing financial statements or evaluating a corporate merger made me shake in my bones! Well, there is a reason why, of course! I was not born to be a CFO or an Accountant, but I certainly was born to communicate, to learn and share what I’ve learned, and help others maximize their talents. Those specific MBA classes were certainly challenging, and I was certainly able to learn and apply some very important financial skills, but having me master those skills would forever be a waste of my time and gifts.
We know these things instinctually, I feel, but in our world of fixing “What’s wrong” we are often pressured to focus on what we are not and what we “should be.” This way of thinking, learning and living has become so engrained in our work and educational cultures, it’s no wonder individuals feel disengaged and “lost.” More and more I meet amazing, very accomplished people who want to deeply connect with who they are and be impactful in leading a life of deeper purpose.
As leaders, are we helping our team members contribute their best and grow in their strengths?
As parents, are we honoring our children’s unique talents and helping them to shine in what comes naturally to them?
These stats below tell us how crucial it is that we move in this direction:
Here’s what Gallup knows about using our talents:
- People who know and use their talents and have the opportunity to use them at work are six times as likely to be engaged in their job.
- People who know their talents and have the opportunity to use them at work are more than three times as likely to report having an excellent quality of life.
- People who use their strengths every day have 7.8% greater productivity.
Weakness fixing prevents failure.
Strengths-building leads to success.
Identifying our strengths and the strengths of others doesn’t have to be rocket science. You can do it through self-awareness, through input from others (on what you’re awesome at and examples of when you are at your best!), and you certainly can use one of the best tools out there—Gallup’s StrengthsFinder.
As a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach I not only love OWNING my strengths and making sure that I’m utilizing them to their fullest, but I also love helping others do the same. One of the most empowering things to do is share your strengths with others and honor YOU! So, I’m happy to share my top 5 with you:
LEARNER. MAXIMIZER. POSITIVITY.
INDIVIDUALIZATION. IDEATION.
Every time I read my talent themes my inner cheerleader does a back flip because I know that I am investing in them and making them stronger day-by-day.
Engagement numbers truly scare me. I picture the more than 70% of individuals in our workforce who are disengaged, bored, depressed and just working to collect a pay check and I am saddened. I imagine a world where we are all fully engaged and turned on, making things happen individually and together.
How are you maximizing your talents and gifts?
I’d love for you to share what you feel you were born to do.
Are you doing it?
Have you taken Strengths Finder? If so, please share your Top 5 with me!
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Wishing you a life well led,
Monique
What’s LOVE got to do with it?
May 1, 2014
…Well, young Skywalker, it has EVERYTHING to do with it!
(Yes, I’m a Star Wars fan!)
“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.” – Marianne Williamson
Yeah, I know, talking about “love” especially in professional settings can feel inappropriate or “soft”. But, is it really? What is love? What does it represent to you?
For me, when I think of people I love (including those I work with), I think about how much I respect them, how much I learn from them, and how much I enjoy being around them. Perhaps they lift up my spirits, or give me tough love and show me how to be a better person and leader. What’s so soft about that?
Now, let’s take a look at fear. What does it represent for you? I fear people because their values are opposite to mine, or they represent what I want to become one day and that vision is scary to me! Of course, fear also represents true danger – situations that put me or those I love at risk in some way.
When we talk about the personal choice we have and can make at any moment, if we pay close attention, we can see how ALL OF OUR CHOICES, whether conscious or not are either based in LOVE or FEAR. If you are practicing your awareness then you can begin to make more choices based in love (or similar emotions, like compassion, caring, appreciation, concern, excitement, joy, synergy, etc.)
Doesn’t love feel better than fear? It does. And, I can tell you that in the world of energy, love resonates very high (attracts/expands) and fear resonates very low (repels/breaks down). It’s very simple, when we choose fear we get stuck and stay stuck. There is no growth, no health, no vision, no risk, and lots of worry and stress!
Let’s play with this a bit. Here’s a scenario some of you may be familiar with:
There is one promotion available in your department and it will be offered to someone from within. Several of your colleagues are also interested in the promotion and are going for it. When you hear this, you can feel excited or scared, challenged or angrily competitive. You can think in your mind… “Wow! Can you imagine if I get it? If they see in me what I’m worth and how I can grow and develop in this role?” You can also think…. “Damn that Sally! I knew she would go for this, that B_ _ _h! She can’t get it. I won’t let her!” Do you sense the love and fear in these thoughts? You should be able to because thoughts and emotions are directly linked. You cannot have one without the other. So, I pose this question to you?
If you could make more conscious choices based in loving thoughts rather than fearful thoughts, how much more joy, peace and success would you feel in every moment?
Here’s a simple request… Just take one day to track all of the decisions you make (or avoid!) —large and/or small—and investigate if they are based in love or fear and how you feel.
You can change your choices and you can shift the fearful ones immediately with awareness and practice. Love is one of fear’s worst enemies! Douse your fear with love! I know you will feel better as a result. If you need to do it privately, that’s allowed too! No one needs to know! Now go do it.
Wishing you a life well led!
Monique
Don’t forget to follow me here!
May 1, 2014
Being En Pointe Fans,
Just a reminder that I am now blogging weekly at: http://lwlblog.fiu.edu.
Subscribe to Life Well LED to stay on top of my new content.
Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks for your support!
Namaste,
Monique
The day our fish died!
April 23, 2014
![fish bowl[2]](http://lwlblog.fiu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/fish-bowl2.jpg)
“There is no right reaction. There is only your reaction.”
― Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Soul
Jack Canfield was one of the primary influences in my life when I began my eye-opening journey of awareness and the transition into my career of being a catalyst for individuals to be their best selves and leaders of their lives.
Jack is a no-nonsense businessman and transformational author, teacher and coach. When I dove into his Success Principles book, self-study course and worked with one of his coaches, I came across a simple equation that changed my life. I share this with everyone I teach and coach, and I will share it with you today. It goes like this …
E + R = O
It stands for … EVENT + REACTION = OUTCOME.
Here’s the learning behind this:
- Everything in our life is an EVENT (E) … every conversation, meeting, chance encounter, exercise, meal, etc.
- How we REACT (R) to any event is completely within our control.
- Based on our reaction, an OUTCOME (O) will result.
When we are not aware — operating unconsciously due to habit — we are not pausing (even for a few seconds) to be intentional about the outcome we desire out of all the events in our life.
Here are a few examples of how you can use this equation to help you become more aware and proactive so that you are not living out the victim energy of “All these things happen to me; I have no control!”
- (Event) Your boss walks into your office annoyed and screaming at you. (Your Reaction) You interrupt him/her, in protection mode, and scream right back. (Outcome) The relationship between the two of you is tense and lacking respect. Nothing was accomplished, and you have a knot in your stomach the rest of the week and avoid your boss.
- (Event) You are about to go for your everyday evening run, but you are stopped in your tracks by the president of your neighborhood association who has some important news she must share with you ‘right now’. The conversation lags. (Reaction) You cancel your run. (Outcome) Your goal of running for 20 minutes a day for 30 days is interrupted. And, you were on a roll with your goal! You feel a bit defeated.
- Reflection: If you had a quick moment (just a few seconds!) to confirm for yourself what you wanted the outcome of these ‘events’ to be, how might you have reacted differently?
Here’s a true, simple example of an event that took place recently. After looking back, I could have designed a better reaction and had a more positive outcome:
We purchased our beta fish, Sushi, for our daughter, who is lover of all things living! Sometimes, we call our daughter Snow White because all types of animals love her and flock to her. Sushi lasted much longer than any of us expected, and even though he was my daughter’s fish, I was the one who truly cared for him. We all loved him! So, when I realized one night — right before my daughter’s bedtime — that Sushi had passed, I didn’t even think to stop for a moment before reacting. If I had, I would have known in less than a few seconds that I shouldn’t have said anything at that time, because I knew in my heart how my daughter would react. Well, I screwed it up! The words “Sushi died” flew out of my mouth and my daughter was inconsolable. Our bedtime ritual went up in flames and she wouldn’t even sleep in her bed because of how sad she was. It was heartbreaking for me, her Mommy, who never wants to see her sad. And, none of us got much sleep that night!
Again, this is an example of a simple ‘event’ (not in my daughter’s eyes, however!), but I think you get the picture! I can say with conviction that although I still find myself reacting (we are human after all), for the most part I’m very conscious of what outcomes I desire and I’m able to change my reactions in a moments notice. My life, my health, my self-confidence, my relationships, and my energy are all the better for it!
In this process, it’s important to understand that there is no right or wrong to your reactions and the outcomes. What is powerful about using this equation is that you begin to see and feel the power behind pausing (before reacting unconsciously) and choosing how to react to ensure that you are happy (or more happy) with the outcome.
I encourage you to think about a few examples of events in your life, perhaps this week, that looking back you could have achieved a more positive outcome based on your reaction.
If you have a great example, I’d love for you to share it below. Sharing is caring (and learning)! And, if you know someone who can benefit from today’s blog, I’d love for you to share it with them!
If you want to read more on this topic, here’s a great article on Emotional Agility in the Harvard Business Review.
Wishing you a life well led,
Monique
Hello, Margaret! It’s me, Margaret!
April 16, 2014
“Without self-reflection, how is it possible for one to know himself or herself? And if I don’t know myself, how can I lead myself? And if I cannot lead myself, how can I lead others?”
–Harry Kraemer, former CEO of Baxter International
When I think of leadership, both in our careers and in our personal lives, (parent, volunteer, sibling, spouse, etc.) I cannot separate it from awareness. In fact, from my perspective, you cannot lead your life effectively without it. Awareness, or consciousness, must be at the foundation of your leadership, and it begins with self-awareness.
So what does being self-aware look like? At Life Well LED we help individuals know themselves deeply and honor who they are at their core. Through assessments and coaching that reveal amazing discoveries you can SEE and FEEL who you are and how you interact with others in your world. You can define the foundational principals and values that guide you; the beliefs that support your emotions and actions (good and bad), and the unique combination of talents that only you have, and that with proper investment, become strengths that lead you effectively toward the whole-life success you desire. Conversely, you also can shed light on your default tendencies—those habits that can prevent you from achieving that sense of success and purpose that we all crave.
In some ways we understand these things about ourselves, but with the noise and stress of daily life we often operate unconsciously—just going through the motions with little intention, which often results in a lack of energy (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) to be able to get from point A to point B faster and easier…if at all (spinning our wheels endlessly!).
When we are highly aware we also pay attention to how we are perceived—how we operate through the lens of others. Are we as effective as we can be? Are we being the kind of leader that others need and expect of us? Are we others-focused, or are we only caring about ourselves and how we win?
Science and statistics show us the strong link between awareness and leadership. I cover a lot of this in my courses. I love being a scientist of human potential and connection! In fact, Emotional Intelligence (EI) experts, like Daniel Goleman, teach us how EI (EI = Awareness, Expression & Management/Controlling of Emotions) is far more necessary than IQ in powerful and effective leadership. IQ only takes you so far. You can’t build EI without awareness!
The path to being a highly-aware individual and leader is not easy, but it is so worth it! Through awareness you create meaningful connections… with you at your core, with those you work with and lead, with those closest to you, and with your and your team’s goals and mission.
In closing, to help you become more aware of your awareness (LOL!), try this very simple daily strategy:
- Set your timer to go off every hour for one week. If this is too much, try it twice a day—one during lunchtime and once in the evening when you’re winding down from the day.
- When your timer goes off, just take 5 minutes or less (no more than that) to create a short list that answers the following questions:
- “What did I notice about myself in this hour/morning/afternoon?”
- “What did I notice about others?”
- “What did I notice about my environment?”
At first this may be really hard and you won’t come up with much. But as you get used to it, you will realize so much about yourself, others and your environment because you are paying closer attention. You’ll see things you never did before. You’ll have many “hmm’s?” and “aha’s!” You’ll also notice more ways to connect with others and the world around you. We don’t live alone in this world, right? We certainly can’t accomplish much on our own either!
I’d love to hear what you noticed! Please make sure to share below and keep the dialogue moving and growing! Feel free to comment on my Facebook page as well!
Here’s wishing you a day of shock and awe! You’ll see both with this exercise.
For some more fun reading, here’s a great FastCompany article that details some of the benefits of being aware and mindful. Enjoy!
Wishing you a life well led,
Monique
When Life Throws You Lemons, You …?
April 10, 2014
Change is inevitable – after all, nothing really stays the same. But in today’s challenging times, it seems like we’re on “uncertainty” overload, never knowing what will happen from one moment to the next. Here today, gone tomorrow – or, at the least, very different tomorrow.
Uncertainty brings stress and confusion, and while most of us would be quick to say that we want less stress and more certainty in our lives, what we really want is less of a stress reaction to what life is throwing our way.
We can’t choose what happens to us – but we can choose our responses to the situations we encounter. Let’s take a look at five different responses that people have to stressful situations. As you read through these five responses, you may want to think of a recent stressful event or news that you have received, and see what your reaction to that event can teach you about how you habitually respond. You may have one type of response at work, and another at home, or you may react differently depending on who else is involved.
The first, and unfortunately all too common response to stressful events is to suffer and be a victim to it. People who respond this way don’t take action. Things happen TO them – and though they may complain and be generally miserable about it, they don’t take any steps to do anything. They allow life to control them, instead of the other way around. This way of responding is certainly not recommended, and eventually, it will take its toll on one’s physical and mental health.
The second type of response is to accept it the situation, and to get some perspective on it. Someone with this response may say “so what,” or perhaps get some perspective on the situation by asking if it will it matter in a year – or a week – or even in a day.
The third way to respond is to actually take steps to change the situation – taking action to bring it to resolution (or at least move toward resolution). This is a very powerful response, and one that many effective leaders employ.
The fourth way to respond is to avoid the situation. People responding this way make a decision not to get involved in a situation that they don’t see as concerning them, or upon which they can’t make an impact. For example, someone may choose not to get involved in a dispute going on within their office if it doesn’t directly involve them.
The fifth and final way that people generally respond to stress is to alter the experience of the situation. When we look at a situation differently, the experience itself changes. Changing perceptions is probably the most challenging of the responses, because we tend to be stuck in our own interpretations and assumptions about what’s happening, but it is also perhaps the most powerful of all.
It’s your life, and you can create it and lead it as you wish. Remember, what one person sees as stressful, another person barely notices, or sees as exciting and full of opportunity.
So, when life throws you lemons, how will you choose?
Please comment below and keep the conversation going!
Namaste,
Monique
April: A Time for Patience, Reflection and Action
April 2, 2014
We look to the New Year as “the time” to decide who we will be and what we will achieve in the next year. And although that is a natural time to create ourselves anew, if we so wish, there also are other times during the year when, energetically, it is optimal for us to take these steps.
According to astrologers this month of April is one of those unique times, due to the activation and transit of these very powerful planets: Jupiter, Uranus, Pluto and Mars. We are informed that it may be a wild ride, and that we will be tested. But, in the same, it is an excellent time to clean our slate and claim our power and purpose.
Whether or not you believe in astrology — or anything else for that matter — symbolism and/or rituals are things we can look to, to provide us with motivation to accomplish amazing things and tap into the many miracles in our lives (as well as experience new ones!).
Seeking out these energetic moments is one of my personal strategies for success. Our lives get full quick, and in no time we’re in Quarter 2! In the New Year I always go through the process of intending what I hope to experience, but just as we revisit our business plans, we also should do the same with our New Year goals.
What did you set out to feel, start or accomplish? Are you on track? What’s changed? Where have you succeeded thus far? What’s next?
Energetically, April is the right time to investigate and continue the process of intention and tapping into our personal power.
Want to join me for this “Alchemic April” exercise? Let’s go!
To make this super easy and achievable, I’ve taken the dates of the major planetary transitions for this month as detailed by Astrologist Maya White, and based on the potential “Power Outcome” of their transit, I’ve suggested a question for you to ponder upon, or a small action for you to take. Print this out and follow along daily during the month April. Most importantly … have fun with this!
- (Today) April 3 – What do you want? Write it down now.
- April 4 – What one small thing in your life needs to change? Take one small step today toward that change.
- April 5 – Show compassion today. How will you show it and why is this action important to you?
- April 8 – Is there an obstacle in your way? How can you begin to overcome it now?
- April 11 – Connect with someone you love. What does your heart and soul want you to do? Do it.
- April 14– What’s holding you back? How can you express your truth to get you closer to your destiny?
- April 15 – Work on the relationship with yourself. What do you need to do for you? Do it.
- April 16 – Caring what others think of what you need to say or do? Do it anyway – now!
- April 17– Practice abundance! Make a list of the five major things you are grateful for. Pay it forward today.
- April 20 – Get in the game. Where do you need to claim your stake? Take that action now.
- April 21 – What’s the right thing to do? Do it.
- April 22 – Connect with your authenticity. Share your truth in some way today & know that others will resonate with it!
- April 28 – Write down your new, updated vision for yourself. See it and feel it. Through this action know that the energy of the world supports your vision! Believe in it and walk toward it.
I hope that you take advantage of these energies to help manifest your core self and core vision for your life. Placing energy into our goals and desires helps us to focus on them and push them forward. And in the end, let’s remember that leading others is only as effective as leading ourselves.
Please share your experiences with me below by commenting.
Enjoy your weekend!
It’s your life. Lead it well.
Monique
5 Steps to Help Get that Monkey of Your Back
March 26, 2014
A wonderful conversation I had this week with a fellow coach inspired today’s post. I think we can all relate to these situations, whether we are the offenders or the victims.
Let’s start here …
Ever have a vision of that perfect workday — when you have your list of things to accomplish and it all goes off without a hitch? Hopefully, you have many of those days when you are in the flow and getting things done. But, one fine day you are thrown that “monkey” – that emergency or problem that belongs to someone else and is thrown on you to “fix now” (or the world will end)!
Been there, yes?
This can happen due to a lack of planning, strategy, understanding, or commitment of the other person. You may have someone in your organization who does often, causing you to tackle other people’s emergencies, which subtracts that precious time you need to actually do your own work and feel a sense of accomplishment.
If you are leading others, it may be wise for you to evaluate how you operate and identify if this is something that you tend to do. This habit is often unconscious and can be habitual. However, I’d suspect that if you don’t appreciate others throwing monkeys on your back, you probably don’t want to be doing it to others you are leading or working with. This behavior, if done consistently, can create a hostile or resentful work environment.
If you are on the receiving end, you may be having difficulty preventing this from happening. It’s important to be a team player, and sometimes we all have to take one for the team, even if it’s not our job. But, if you’re feeling like a zookeeper lately, it’s time to do something about those monkeys and speak up!
Here are 5 steps you can take to send those monkeys where they belong!
- Keep a daily list of your priorities – especially those that make or break the business. You were hired for a reason. Make sure you know how important your work is so that others know as well.
- Don’t add fuel to the fire! Usually, when the monkeys are thrown to you they come with anxiety and a sense of desperation. When working with individuals (especially those who lead us!), it’s easy to take on their anxiety and not see the forest among the trees. Breathe. Remain calm. Don’t mirror back the emotions you see and feel. Instead, create a space of serenity around the issue. You can help be the water that puts out the fire by bringing clarity and reality to the situation. Ask: Is this truly an emergency? Is it really needed NOW? Am I the right person to fix this? Why did this happen and how can we prevent it from happening again?
- Place that monkey in its cage! Create a holding space for the issue until that safe space has been created to understand what the real story is. In the heat of the moment, our tendency can be to drop everything and “handle this now!” But, what happens when this is a pattern? Instead of producing quality work and moving forward, we are simply handling “stuff” and moving nowhere.
- Have that difficult conversation. Now that you (a) know your priorities, (b) stayed calm, and (c) took time to understand the situation fully and its importance (or not), now it’s time to (d) muster up the courage to address the situation or pattern. Helping your supervisor, colleague or subordinate understand the value of your position and work. Additionally, if the behavior is a pattern, it’s uber important to help the other person (won’t happen overnight) understand that. They may not be receiving any feedback at all and feel it’s okay to throw their work onto others. Prepare a script to help you practice. A simple start to the conversation could go like this:
“Sally, I would love to help you solve this problem. I have these three priorities I’m tending to, and as you are aware, X is due today. I’m happy to dedicate some time to this at the end of the week, or speak to you further to help you figure out how best to solve it. Sound good?”
- Build a fence! It’s time to be proactive. Part of being a great team player and self-leader is being aware of issues or situations that can potentially become someone’s monkey, or your monkey! Understand what your team members and your supervisor(s) are/is working on that may boomerang toward you. If you’re not caught off guard you’ll be better prepared to manage through it. You also may be able to help others be proactive.
Have a monkey you’d like to share? I’d love to help you think it through.
Comment below.
It’s your life. Lead it well.
Monique
Illumined Life Leadership 